Wednesday, December 24, 2008

I've got your anti fun right'chere............

Hi Y'all,

I hate to bitch, but I think this is the worst Christmas since the original "scroll kit Christmas".........

Picture it....Bakersfield ,California. Our mother had just rolled our penniless asses into town with the car running on fumes, for the latest of our cross country moves . (For reasons known ONLY to her)

Soul and I were kids ,maybe 14 and 10.We promptly moved into the glorious roach motel known as Rancho Bakersfield.It was a kitchenette kind of thing in a run down motel,mostly occupied by truckers and their lot lizards.

Soul and I took what little money we had between the 2 of us and took a bus downtown.We searched through every store for the perfect (affordable) gift for our mother.

We came up with this little beauty. Only it was mounted on wood.

She absolutely hated it.

Yeah, what were we thinking , getting a giant wooden poster for some one who lived out of a suitcase?

Live and learn , ea'

We hung around the motel room while our mother was at work. We dined at the trucker cafe on french fries and gravy. (all we could afford)

Christmas eve came and we held on to the childish hope that something magical would still happen.

We woke the next morning to fruit and nuts (our mothers standard Christmas treat) and one small wrapped package for each of us.

Imagine the thrill and wonder as we ripped them open and gazed upon our gifts.

We gazed in shock and horror as we saw our "scroll kits"

In case you were never blessed with a scroll kit I shall tell you what it is, it is 2 sticks and a rolled up piece of paper. You are supposed to write a bible verse on it, roll it up with the sticks and WA LA , you've got your very own scroll.

My mother had some friends who were Pentecostal preachers. I'm sure that is where she acquired those fabulous gifts.

Normally Christmas is our best ,happiest time of the year. We have our big gorgeous tree, we send for the kids , the presents are stacked all over the room. Games are played, cocktails are consumed, dinner is an all day event. We have the neighbors over. We take all the kids out to eat on Christmas eve.

Christmas morning we always film the opening of the presents, the cats are right in the middle of everything. It's all fun and laughter and fighting over scrabble games.

Picture it.....modern day, England. Christmas eve.

We have no tree, no kids, no decor, Cavuto is in effin' quarantine,no presents, no ingredients to make a "real" dinner.I am hideous. I need a haircut and can not afford one.My skin is hanging on me like a pair of baggy, worn out pantyhose.There's a litter box in my dining room.Laundry hanging in my living room . My husband is depressed (he can deny the existence of depression all he wants, I KNOW depressed when I see it) My ankles hurt from walking my ass off every day.My hairspray won't hold ,there's NOTHING on TV, ever , I can't keep my eyes open past 8 p.m. and I STILL have that damn boil on my ass.
I've become Laura Ingalls.Up, while it's still dark out . It takes all day to do my chores and errands the "primitive, old fashioned " way. And Pa is a grouchy ball of "anti fun"!

Ho ho ho. Merry poopy Christmas.

My brother in law made me this slide show.
Thanks Jim! So far I can't make it past the one minute mark without bawling my head off.

I'll be right back....I must go smoke.

Time seems to go by faster here. Maybe it's the Laura Ingalls factor. Or maybe because it's nearly dark by 3 p.m. I haven't figured it out yet. But I seem to run out of time. I haven't had time to do my comments since I've been here. There's no time to put off doing things, like the dishes, when you only have enough of them for one meal.

Yesterday , I realized that if I didn't find the library THAT day, then I was going to be dying of bordom over Christmas. Hubby will be home ,watching fox news, star treck, and God kniows what else.
So I walked over to the shopping center, took a bus to Fareham,walked about a mile and got myself some British library books. Woo hoo!!

Then I took a different bus back so I could be dropped off near quarantine.

Cavuto was thrilled to see me. He was getting up on the high shelf hanging down ,with his arm stretched out at me...talking away.

Hubby picked me up on his way home.

How long did it take to do those 2 things?
All day.

Here's a few pictures from yesterday. Frankly , the area was an ugly one. The sky is so dark, the pictures always look awful. Enjoy. LOL

An AMC Pacer got pregnant and had these babies all over England. LOL

Dreary church tower.

Sideways tree's on the building, amidst the gloom.

Double decker. I Haven't been on one yet.

OK, I suppose I've spread enough joy for today;)

Have a wonderful Christmas eve peeps!

I will if we have enoguh Vodka. ROFL


Mary said...

Oh, Smocha, I'm so sorry. Your time England is being a real bitch. I have to admit that I had to wipe a tear while watching the video. I'm sending a big warm hug. You really, really need it. Thinking of you.

Anonymous said...

Instead of considering yourself Laura Ingles, get the Polyanna attitude.... You went to the library by yourself (with my since of direction, I NEVER could)... Cavuto was happy, which is a great blessing.... your little apartment is cute, even without proper furnishings, which you will find one day on your outings to the thrift and resale stores.... raining 4 days but temp now (wed 721am) is 60 degrees so I can take it. aj

Anonymous said... the video! aj

Design PR said...

hahaha.. bitchy hag rant!

I was depressed for almost a week not too long ago. It's definitely a real condition. I was a lazy, unmotivated grump! Maybe you guys have seasonal affective disorder from the dreary ass climate?

So far, my plane is on time! I hope that doesn't change!

I love you! Merry Christmas!

Star said...

I feel your pain, I really do. You might remember that this is my first Christmas without family, and I'm doing my best to "talk myself up." I know it won't be easy for you, but just think how great NEXT Christmas will be in comparison! Okay, I tried. Please know you'll be in my thoughts and prayers.

Brad said...

I'm sorry honey. It will get better. Just give it time. Merry Christmas Dear!

Bottoms up!

SOUL: said...

turn that frown upside down... haha.

really, there's gotta be a better way to look at things. maybe put the laundry in the kitchen and the litter in the livin room? get extra vodka? get hubby some prozac? 150 watt light bulbs?

aww now sushi is depressed.
and i need a nap.

does it get dark that early? how come?

cheer up poops... we've made worse times better. just think-- you could have lice. haha
love you
merry christmas!

do somethin christmasee dammit!!

Anonymous said...

I just have too ask, what did you write in your scroll kit? Wishing you a very Merry Christmas and the Best of New Year's
Love and Hugs to you,