Thursday, May 28, 2009

A short lil' meme

Cavuto says" Hey Ya'll"

here's a little meme that I hijacked from Soul :))

Three names I go by:

1. Mom
2. Dear
3. Smocha

Three Jobs I've had in my life:

1. Waitress
2. House painter/Caterer
3. Realtor

Three places I've lived:

1. San Jaun ,Puerto Rico
2. San Diego ,Ca.
3. Schaumburg,Il. and a million other places.

Three TV Shows I watch:

1. Cold case
2. Golden Girls
3. CSI

Three places I've been:

1. Stockholm ,Sweden
2. London ,England
3.Death Valley

Three People who e-mail me regularly:

1. Vicki
2. Hubby
3. Wes
(in no particular order)

Three of my favorite foods:right now....
1. Chicken fajitas
2. Brussel sprouts
3. That fish I can only get in England

Three friends I think will respond:

1. whoever
2. wants
3. to

Three (four) Things I'm looking forward to: in the near future....

1. Seeing my chillun's
2. The wedding
3. Poodles (Desert dirt diva's) trip out here
4.Getting back to where ever my husband and cats are.


In case you can't tell what he's doing ,he is viciously yanking on his thumbnail. He has done this odd thing since he was little. I have NEVER seen any other cat do this. Have you?

Oh, wait there's more!

He was dying of turwsty.

He loves his fishy.Figaro.

Gorilla in heels...or damn,I'm screwed

Blogger Nocturnal Queen said...

Cute shoes. :-)


Blogger Brad said...

Well now when people tell me I walk funny I'll just tell them it's "Sexy & Sassy"

Yeah, I need a LOT of work on my sexy strut. We got whipped for even thinking sexy.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Did you notice any problem with the first demonstration (of "wobbly ankles")???? I couldn't notice a difference between that one and the "good" one at the end. It all seems made up to me :)

Blogger Smocha said...

I'll have someone video ME trying to walk in mine. LOL

Yeah, I don't think I saw any wobbly ankles. I'm sure "I" can wobble better than that!

Well, I did it myself. For some reason I thought this would only video my feet. The camera was down on the floor on the gorilla pod. WTH?

So, ignore the outfit. I put my sleeping pants on and oh ...just shut up.

Thanks MOM! I rock as a sexy woman. Bwa ha ha !!!!!

Monday, May 25, 2009

My shoe da fell in the rain......

Hi Peeps,

Hope you all had a nice non rainy weekend.

I'm glad I wasn't one of the "nightly "condo renters here this weekend. They all spend a fortune to be stuck in the rain in our lovely town.Yesterday it rained every second of the day. Today was not too much better. The sun is out NOW though.

I spent most of the day yesterday dragging out my entire closet and re-doing the fat/skinny clothes situation.It was a hideous job.

Save me!!

Later on ,I went to the movie store which had the longest lines I have ever seen. I got 3 old (but NEW to ME ) movies. Two of them had messed up sound and were not even watchable.
That makes me so damn mad!!

Today has gone by pretty quick ,even though I can't say that I really did much of anything. Everything is closed here,on a holiday.


As I said earlier. These are my shoes for the wedding.
When they arrived they were a little bit too big. Not too long, but too floppy.
But ...after trying on every other shoe in this town, they fit better than the rest so I had to keep them.

These are higher than anything I usually wear. I hope I don't fall off of them .

Little did I know that "walking in heels" was such a big thing that they actually have lessons for it.

I was laughing out loud as I watched this video. (I probably look even worse than this)

Yeah right!


Cavuto also had a thrilling weekend.

"This movie sucks. No, really, I mean it."


(thank god this weekend's over)

Luv me

Saturday, May 23, 2009

Holiday weekend bleah

Hi ya'll,

How's your Holiday weekend going? I had hoped to spend mine out on the boat (finally) basting myself to a crinkly brown.Naturally ,the weather turned to crap . Yesterdays chance of rain was only 50 percent.

The boat was just un-winterized a few days ago. So I had not taken it out yet this year. The first time always makes me a nervous wreck. Like,maybe I forgot how to drive and will wreck right into the dock or something.(I'm full of self confidence like that) I was hoping that Floozie2 and her hubs would be taking their boat out so I wouldn't have to go alone. But they did not. About one o'clock I bit the bullet and made myself go face the fear.

I got out there ,it was windy , cloudy and only about 70 degrees. The water was rough as hell because of the wind. I decided to stick close to home because

A. I didn't know how charged up the battery was.

B. I have no anchor strong enough to hold the boat when the wind and water is that rough.

C.I wasn't sure if the sky was going to bust out with a huge thunderstorm at any moment.

So, I went out in the open water ,killed the motor and just drifted. (was blown)
This was also the first time I have been one the boat as a non-smoker. I must say ,cigarettes DID cross my mind a few times. :(

I digress, once I was out there the sun came out for the most part and it would have been quite enjoyable if not for the damn wind. The wind was whipping my bangs into my eyes repeatedly . pretty soon my eye was watering and would not stop watering. I searched the boat for some kind of barrette or something. No luck. Then inspiration .......I spot a blue chip clip. I used that thing to pin my bangs up on the top of my head. (I was desperate) No one's going to see me out there, right?

Wrong. About an hour later some guy pulls right up next to me on a jet ski "can you tell me how to get to the dam?"

Oh sure. After he left ,it occurred to me what a vision of loveliness I must have been with my raccoon eyes from mascara watering and my chip clip right at the front of my head.
Don't hate me because I'm beautiful. Bwa ha ha!

Turn your sound down. The wind drowns out what I was saying anyway.

Luckily it did not thunderstorm and I did not wreck the boat. A successful first day.


The thrill of a new box!

Woo hoo!!!!


Have a great day peeps!

Luv me

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Get it off me....get it off me!!!!

55 days, 20 hours, 35 minutes and 23 seconds smoke free.

1955 cigarettes not smoked.

$611.52 and 14 days, 22 hours of your life saved.

Your quit date: 3/25/2009 12:00:00 PM

That's the good news.

The bad news is ,in 55 lousy days I have now gained 18 pounds. WTF????

This would seem physically impossible.Well I assure you it IS possible. I now look just like a dark Sally Struthers. I dug some of my fat clothes back in the house the other day. Good thing I didn't sell all of them at my yard sale. This sucks sooooo bad:(

And NO ,I have not been on a constant 55 day long eating binge. This is BULL!!


More good news.......The cleaners found my dress,which probably won't fit me by then anyway. Woot!


When Cavuto woke me up this morning I was having a simply awful dream........

I had gone back to my first husband. He was dirty ,smelly and shit poor.And he kept smoking pot right in front of the kids. The kids were still young in my dream, maybe 4,6 and 8.

We were all living like migrants in a shack with a bunch of his siblings.

Robert was working at some kind of meat packing plant. Horse meat. In the back ,all over the ground there was dead rotting carcasses and pieces of carcasses.The woman that owned the place was going to give me a tour and show me what his job was.

The stench of dead horse bodies was so gross. I had my hands over my nose and mouth. As we tried to step through the carnage i said "These are my only shoes."

With a sweep of her arm she said "here's what he does."

There he was ,sitting right on the ground in the rotting horse parts. Apparently his job was to pick the rotten hunks of meat up and toss them into a wheel barrow and take them somewhere.Right then he tossed a big ole hunk of rotten flesh as big as a ham and with a sickening thud ,it landed right on my chest and fell down into my shirt.

I was bent over ,gagging trying to get it away from me and blessedly I hear a soft meow and get a slap of a paw in the face . Cavuto woke me up just in the nick of time.

Oh my Lord! That was awful!!!

I haven't layed eyes on the fool in over 20 years and I still have dreams about him. Horrible dreams about going back to him. WTH??


More good news......

The boat is Un-winterized!So I shall be out there soooon!

if you see a giant white thing out in the lake ,it is NOT a lost whale. It's just me, trying to get a tan.


Happy humpday Peeps!

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

WTH,sign of the times?

Inadvertent Parallax...

one day I'm frustrated with life fed up with the strife
the day in, day out, make ends and pay out, write checks, pay rent

what's it all for anyways?

what's it mean in the end? What lies around the bend?
who's got the time, patience or an ear to lend?

who cares? what gives? who really dares to live?
who's got the idea that is going to save us all the trouble?

who's going to drop the ball? where does the time go?
why should this rhyme or flow? I don't know

the next day I sit down and pluck my acoustic
and suddenly the glue sticks, I'm fixed

I'm happy about nothing and nothing makes me happier
than stepping outside, enjoying the ride

I take a deep breath, with eyes open wide
something makes sense but not dollars and cents

we're all just dangling from a chain of events
wandering aimlessly and pondering endlessly

binge and purge, sin and splurge, I get the urge
then I'm back on track, no looking back

ready to learn and willing to teach
the sky is the limit so it's there we should reach

you don't know what you have until you lose it
I'm talking about your mind, so use it!

it's a terrible thing to waste, often a hard thing to face
but when it burns out there is no replacement

I'm intrigued by the extreme opposites I find
in case that wasn't painfully apparent in my rhymes

variety, she is absolutely the spice of life
without her, mundane lethargy fillets like a knife

bored to the bone, to the core, without something new
it's easier regretting what you did than what you didn't do

embrace change, sensation and the ones you love
your fate is in your hands so take off the rubber gloves.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Suicide kings are wild.......

Ola peeps,

Well, let me see......what's been going on around here? Oh ..yesterday we had a one day reprieve from this constant rain.The forecast called for 88 degrees of sunny bliss .So I immediately make a mental plan to lay my albino self out in the sun.The wedding is in 3 weeks. I'm ghostly white .

I woke up pretty early so I decided to curl my hair and "practice" a hairdo. (For the wedding.)
Hair up? Hair down? Which would be better with pasty white skin? Don't know yet.
I swelter for half an hour wearing hot rollers.
Up , down, either way my hair looked frekin gorgeous .For about 10 whole minutes.Then, I kid you was straight as a board,hanging there like limp spaghetti.
Perhaps a bag over the head would be the best look.

The other day I bought some hedge clippers at the thrift store for 2 bucks.The hand held ,non electric ones.Because even though we pay to have gardeners,they let hideous pom pass grass grow until it totally blocks the sidewalk.

So I go out there and trim bushes until I have blisters from my new hedge clippers.

I trimmed some unkempt ,scraggly purple bushes too.


THIS is the "tropical landscaping" we were promised. Yeah ,right.

I go run my errands. One of which was my usual, crazy shopping lady meet up.I snagged a mid evil torture, girdle-y thing for 5 bucks. At the rate I am NOT losing weight I'm going to need something girdle-y to fit in my damn dress.
Oh , speaking of my dress, that will be IF I HAVE a dress.

That's right ,the dry cleaners have lost my effin dress.It was supposed to be done Friday. Yesterday, they finally confessed they have "misplaced it" . Sa-weet.Does this surprise me? Um no,no it does not.

But, I digress.....I return from running my errands planning to get my lawn chair out and work on my honkiness.What do I see all over the place? That's right....gardeners everywhere. With noisy blowers,weedwackers and mowers.

Is there a chance in hell that I am going to stuff myself into a bathing suit and layout in front of a bunch of gardeners? Um ,NO, no there is not.

Dejectedly, I go take my nap instead. Later on I discover that the gardeners have trimmed all the purple bushes that I had been trimming earlier. NOW that I have blisters from trying to do it myself.
Did they do it because they took a hint ,when they saw that I had tried to trim them? Or were they planning to do it anyway?


what EV! I have blisters either way. And I have no tan ,no dress,no waist and no hairdo .Agghhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!


"What's Cavuto been up to? "

Oh ,funny you should ask.

He's bored and

He's sick to death of rain!

Meanwhile.....out in sunny Florida my grand cat ,Insano, is playing poker.

Have a dry day in your world!

Luv me

Monday, May 11, 2009

A brag , a bore and a trip....minus the strip club.

Hi ya'll ,

I would like to announce that my soon to be daughter just graduated college with honors and a 4.0 GPA.

CONGRATULATIONS!!! Miss Smarty! We are all so very proud of you!!!


I hope you all had a great Mothers day.
I spoke to all my chillun's and that was the highlight of my day.

Our weather is STILL cold, rainy and dreary. My internet was out half the day and it looked like it was night time all day long.

I captured our day on film. Try to contain your excitement.

Good old movie.

Great long book. Go get it.

Apparently that steroid shot has made Cavuto even lazier than usual. But IS working. His stomach is healing up and he's leaving it alone.

A little trip to the Keys......
sorry no pics of the street brawl or the stupid strip club.

Happy Monday ya'll!

Luv me

Saturday, May 9, 2009

Happy Birthday Poodles!!

Desert dirt diva called me this morning as she was waiting to get into Disneyland to celebrate her Birthday.

I wish I was there Poops!

Happy Birthday to the happiest friend on earth!


When my youngest son Logan was a baby (back in the 80's) people would say "Oh he's so cute! He looks like one of those little troll dolls."

It's kind of been a family joke over the years, to give him a little troll doll for a birthday or Christmas every now and then.

Well, picture it....yesterday I was in some thrift store when I spot the ultimate "troll gag!"

I was cackling out loud when I spotted them because I had to think "OMG! the perfect wedding cake topper!"

Bwa ha ha !!

We love you Logan!!

Sorry ,I have a warped sense of humor.I thought it was hilarious.


Ever have a "bad everything day" ? Sort of like the famed "bad hair day" only this is bad hair ,skin broken out in pimples,wrinkles ,pasty white and /or all of the above. Your fat clothes are tight . Your whiskery legs are snagging on your pants .Your rough feet snag on your socks.Your nails are half painted with old chipped off polish and every gray hair on your root covered head is kinky and sticking up ,shouting "look at ME!" "look at me, I'm hideous!!!"

THAT's a "Bad everything day" I had one of those yesterday.

It was sooo bad I went to the next town over to run my errands ,because GOD forbid I should run into anyone I know.

Please don't let me look like this when it's time for the wedding.


Don't you think the name Cletis sounds too much like clitoris? Who would name their kid that?
Seriously. Oh yeah.....some one in Arkansas. That's who.


Highlight of the bad everything day......

I got this little Dooney bag for $ 1.00

ONE dollah!!!


I'll be back later with some pictures from the Florida keys. Wes was supposed to write us a trip report but at some point him and his brother were fist fighting in the streets of Key West .It involved a strip club and one brother choking the other one on the ground.

I think we can all do with just the pictures. Shall we.

Have a great Saturday peeps!

Luv me

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

A whole week crammed into one post...

Hi ya'll,

I've been trying to finish this post all week long. I'm a little scatter brained I suppose. Yeah, just a tad.

Cavuto went to the Vet and they said his bald spot was likely "self induced" due to stress. Understandable. So they gave him a steroid shot and said" that usually makes them stop the licking long enough to heal up."

No salves. Thank God. :)

They also took his temperature which went something like...


With a look of horror in his eyes, he climbed up mama like a tree.

He also only weighs 12 pounds. Hard to believe because he is a big cat.


We have had rain, rain, rain, rain, rain and then more rain for weeks it seems.

Not just rain but horribly scary thunderstorms as well.

It has left the lake looking like a sludgy trash dump.

Want to go for a swim?

and.....the boat is all covered with disgusting yellow pollen.

Bleah. I want summer.


Speaking of getting fatter by the minute.......these things are delicious.

Just sayin'......


These are the shoes I finally ordered for the wedding.

I can't tell you where I got them because then you'll be able to guess the price.


Let's hope I can walk .


These are the flowers that will be in the boutonnieres and corsages.(and some will be in the bouquets too)
The bridesmaids dress's are hot pink.

My sons are fighting over the color of the vest's and shirts for the tux's .

Suggestions are welcomed :)


James Dean, cool?


Can he be more casual and relaxed?

I am probably the laughing stock of the neighborhood.

This is called "work that nose"

He is smelling a very stinky dead fish, somewhere under the boardwalk.


The meme ,stolen from Soul ,started a couple days ago, finally posted.

1. First thing you wash in the shower? Hair or face(if I'm not washing my hair that day)
2. What color is your favorite hoodie? brown and it's at my sisters house
3. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? Yes,if I could get near him
4. Do you plan outfits:? If I have somewhere to go, yes.On a regular old NO.I look like a servant.
5. How are you feeling RIGHT now? Nervous,anxious and munchified .
6. What's the closest thing to you that's red? the lovely t shirt I am wearing.
7. Tell me about the last dream you remember having? I think the last dream I had was about the laundry mat.
8. Did you meet anybody new today? ummm, technically NO. I did speak to a woman at hobby lobby but I didn't catch her name.
9. What are you craving right now? Chicken fajitas, and cheese dip.
10. Do you floss? Now that I don't smoke, I'm a floss picking fool!
11. What comes to mind when I say cabbage? "That cabbage soup I made last week was AWFUL!!!"
12. Are you emotional? Yes, I suppose I am.
13. Have you ever counted to 1,000? when i was a kid. and had insomnia.
14. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it? I lick it. And I have been known to cry over ice cream with nuts in it.I want MINE smooth.
15. Do you like your hair? Oh yeah, it's awesome. Long ,stringy and mousy brown. What's not to like?
16. Do you like yourself? I'm awesome. LOL Seriously, yes ,I'm a good hearted person.
17. Would you go out to eat with George W. Bush? Sure ,if he was buying.
18. What are you listening to right now? Mash . I'm too lazy to get up and find the remote.
19. Are your parents strict? Yes. or totally lax. depending on her mood.
20. Would you go sky diving? I think I'd be too afraid to. My luck is too bad.
21. Do you like cottage cheese? Too scared to taste it so I don't know. It looks revolting though.
22. Have you ever met a celebrity?No body worth mentioning. :)
23. Do you rent movies often? No. Lately I get crappy old free ones from the library.
24. Is there anything sparkly in the room you're in? The trim on Cavutos girlie cat bed.
25. How many countries have you visited?Canada, Mexico, Sweden, England oh and USA
26. Have you made a prank phone call? of course!kajillions.
27. Ever been on a train? no .I would like to go on the old fancy kind with a dining car and a berth.
28. Brown or white eggs? Brown seems more "country-ish"
29.Do you have a cell-phone? I have 2 of them.
30. Do you use chap stick? religiously!
31. Do you own a gun? Some rifles.
32. Can you use chop sticks? No,I have never even tried it.
33. Who are you going to be with tonight? myself and Cavuto. We're gonna part-ay for cinco de mayo! woo hoo!
34. Are you too forgiving? Not like I used to be. The older I have gotten ,I've acquired more of a "zero tolerance for abuse " policy.
35. Ever been in love? Yep
36. Who is your BFF? Vicki
37. Ever have cream puffs? hmmm..I'm not sure. what's a cream puff? :))Is that like an eclair?
38. Last time you cried? Probably one of those "early" non-smoking days.
39. What was the last question you asked? "See your fishy?" to Cavuto.
40. Favorite time of the year? oooh summer - fo shizzle..
41. Do you have any tattoos? yes. One and it's just hideous.
42. Are you sarcastic? yes i am. it's part of my charm.
43. Have you ever seen The Butterfly Effect? If I have ,I don't remember it now.
44. Ever walked into a wall? Yes I have.I'm very graceful. NOT!
45. Favorite color? Blue
46. Have you ever slapped someone? Yes i have.Lets just leave it at that:)
47. Is your hair curly? now that I'm old, the back is curly. When it dries it's straight again. WTF???
48. What was the last CD you bought? Nickleback.
49. Do looks matter? Obviously ,to some degree. There has to be some thing endearing . Not necessarily good looking.
50. Could you ever forgive a cheater? I would hate to go there.
51. Is your phone bill sky high? I'm sure it is. We are in two countries.
52. Do you like your life right now? Yeah,It's a real hoot ;).I'll like it more when summer time gets here.
53. Do you sleep with the TV on? Sometimes.
54. Can you handle the truth? Yes... much better than a lie. or silence. etc.
55. Do you have good vision? NO! I used to until just a few years ago. Now I'm frekin Mr. Magoo.
56. Do you hate or dislike more than 3 people? i don't "hate" anybody.
57. How often do you talk on the phone? I talk to my hubby and kids. That's about it. Most of my friends ,we email.
58. The last person you held hands with? My hubby.
59. What are you wearing? lime green sweats and a red tshirt. I know, I'm sexy.
60. What is your favorite animal? I'm sure you all know this one.....CATS baby! Unless I can have my own monkey.
61. Where was your default picture taken at? On some tropical beach.
62. Can you hula hoop? oh hell no-I could when i was about 7.
63. Do you have a job? Technically, NO!Do I have any money? Um NO!
64. What was the most recent thing you bought? A shitload of flowers.
65. Have you ever crawled through a window? Yes, In WA. ,my doors locked automatically when they were shut. I constantly locked myself out and had to climb thru a dinky window that I could barely fit through.I was like Winnie the pooh .

Ok I'll shut up ...finally.

Have a great TGIF peeps!

Luv me

Sunday, May 3, 2009

Here's yer sign.........


I have been awake since 2 frekin' 30 . I finally gave up around 4 and got up and made coffee.

I think I'm a nervous wreck about the wedding.(My youngest is getting married in one month!)

Andddd, the absolutely hideous thunderstorms we were having. I am not usually afraid of storms ,but all day yesterday and all night last night we had some BAD storms. The thunder lasted so long, I had to ask my self "does that sound like a train?"

That's what they always say a tornado sounds like.

Now that I'm ruined for the day ,it sounds like they are over.


Hubby took the camera with him to London! Thanks hubby:)

I have had tons of trouble trying to post this thing. It is on the movie twice. Once the song ends, it repeats the same pictures. Gah!


"What? "

Cavuto in his new girly bed.
He has no shame.

He's also chewed a nice bald spot into his stomach.
I told hubby about it.

He said "Put some salve on it." (that's the old man term for antibiotic ointment)

"Put a bandaid on it for a week."

Well, that didn't work out too well.

I think "salve" is like ipecac for cats.

Yeah. So ,the little knucklehead is going to the Vet Monday.

Have a great day ya'll!

Luv me