A day in my life.......with pictures

Ola peeps,



Well you just KNOW it's going to be an exciting day if you have the following conversation with yourself.



Oh..whoops, let me set the scene first. Picture it ,Boringville,England. Yesterday. It's 11:30 A.M.
My spouse has just left for his flight to Sweden.




Cavuto woke me up at 7. (He's getting brave enough to get on the bed , despite Monkey acting like the exorcist girl) So I am alternating , all morning, doing my downstairs chores, checking my email...upstairs , going back downstairs to smoke ...and becoming a nervous wreck because my spouse is running late (as usual) and is not yet packed , showered ,dressed or anywhere near READY to make his flight on time.



Ok...so it's 11:30 , he has just left ...miraculously....packed and dressed etc.. (despite my nervous breakdown)




also, since I woke up ..the weather has gone to hell in a handbag. It's now rainy, freezing and windy as hell.







11:30

self: "well, should we even bother to take a bath and get dressed today?"

(I realized later that I said "we" to myself)


I did in fact take a bath and get dressed . What a waste of time ,energy and clean laundry.













Then I drank several cups of coffee while going up and down the stairs ....checking my email...searching for ways for desperate old ladies to make friends with other desperate old ladies...you know, the usual.


In between that, I was doing chores and smoking cigarettes under the stove vent.












Earlier ,

I had told hubby "Something is wrong with the cat box."


it was stuck upside down, where the cats couldn't even use it.


He grudgingly fixed it and then handed me a 500 pound bag of cat poo "feel this! this is why it wouldn't work, it was too heavy."


I didn't know. I thought he had emptied it the day before.


















!2:30


Notice the cats have very little food .

fed the cats.



















13:20



remembered to start the dishes I had loaded .





















13;45

did laundry.


Monday, I bought a really cute pair of jeans at the thrift store, when I took them out of the washer they looked like they would fit an 8 year old. Score! they must have been brand new! Fail, they will never fit me now unless I get the waist of an ant.


Despite the let down , I still have to go hang my laundry in the bedroom to dry :(









14:25

Hear a hideous screaming noise like a woman is being killed.

Run to see what it is.







Cavuto had dared to get near Monkey.


She went berserk.















He looked totally innocent of any wrongdoing.















15:00


Started reading this book.

Not too bad.





















!6:07

Noticed this place was like a freaking iceberg. Tried to figure out how to turn the heater on.


No clue. Just turned it until a green light came on.




















17:00


All day I have smelled "cat poo" did not know why.


Finally discover that after hubby fixed and emptied 500 pound bag of cat crap he left it sitting right by front door.

sa-weet! Take out trash.












17:40


Hear the sounds of hell screeching though the house.


Run down the stairs and see Monkey on the couch with O'reillys jaws clamped around her neck.


Pry O'reilly off of her "you bad boy!"

try to hide her under couch pillow.











A few minutes later , Oreilly is the picture of innocence in the cat stroller.


"Who ,ME ? I would NEVER be an asshole like that."














18:00

Spot a flying insect in bathroom ,to my blind eyes it looks like a mosquito.

Automatically I yell "CAVUTO! there's a bug in here!!!!"

Shockingly, Cavuto comes rushing right in there, chomps the alleged bug right into his gullet.

Proving (once again ) he is NOT as dumb as he looks.














18:05

Look at dinner options. Not too thrilled.

Decide to eat leftover beans and rice.
Throw them in microwave.

Hear hideous screeching coming from living room.

Rush in there .....















Find both boys tormenting Monkey.























18:30

Turn on the nightly NCIS ......it's all that's ever on.

Return to kitchen to finish making dinner.















18:40


Notice my nails are all jaggedy .....go search through O'reillys toy box for the only emery board in the house.








errr..what's left of it .


















19:00



Notice both boys in cat stroller looking Innocent of any wrong doing.














19:10


Return to couch with dinner. Move Monkey.
Dine to NCIS.
















20:25


Do dishes ,clean up kitchen.

Hope to God it's bedtime.

All this excitement is killing me.









There you have it ....... a day in the life of an expat.

Don't be too jealous :)


Have a great day peeps!

Happy Halloween

Happy Halloween Ya'll!



What's our big plan?

That's right...zip, zilch, nada. :)

What's your plan?

All dressed up for various reasons:












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I just tried a cornish pasty. It was a cheapie "heat and eat" one from the grocery store.

It was actually pretty good.

Cornish dialect ode to a pasty

I dearly luv a pasty,

A 'ot 'n' leaky wun,

Weth taties, mayt 'n' turmit,

Purs'ly 'n' honyun,

Un crus be made with su't,

'N' shaped like 'alf a moon,

Weth crinkly hedges, freshly baked,

E always gone too soon!

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:) Hope you all have a fun and safe Halloween!


I better get off my laze and get dressed, it's only noon.

Senile American .....and a P.S.

Well, today I took my big 2 hour trip to Fareham.If I need to go to the grocery store or don't want to walk home all the way from over by quarantine,I only have a 2 hour window.




They had a big street fair going with little kids dancing and a D.J. , he was playing the macaraina.
I kind of wanted to stay , just sit around and watch the life going on around me. Then I thought of how ,if I don't take the 13:25 bus home.....then I'll have to walk the long way home and then walk all the way to the grocery store, after that.





I pulled my baggy,falling off, pants up (again) and decided to catch the 13:25 home.





Here's something you may not be aware of, in England public bathrooms....err ....I mean
"toilets", as they call them, are few and far between.




We grew up being told "Don't say toilet! Call it a rest room.You dirty girl!"
Well , get to England and the sign says "Toilet". Every time I have to say "Excuse me, do you have a toilet?" I feel like my mom's gonna rise from the grave and give me an ass whoopin' !"
(you dirty girl!)




But, I digress....As I was listening to the music, watching the dancing and wishing to stay.....I was also thinking " Oh lovely, I have to go to the bathroom." Toilet...WTFE.




As my Alli still hasn't f'n arrived, I was forced to buy some generic looking exlax type product, which I o.d.'d on last night....just to make sure it worked.
Well, now, here I am in the middle of town ...oops, City centre.....and my guts are gonna blow!
(2 weeks worth ,if the pills work)



The nearest toilet is at the END of my 35 minute bus ride ,when I land at the grocery store.

My stomach churned the entire ride and I made it to the err toilet . Thank God :)

Your welcome for the TMI. LOL


I've been trying to write this post for 3 days now. Ok, where was I?




Oh yeah, I had an encounter with some British blokes the other day. I was on the walking trail on my way home from the grocery store. Ahead of me are 4 guys standing on the grass. As I'm walking towards them ,I think "they look like they're bored and looking for trouble."
I start mentally trying to guess their ages as I'm walking.



I get a little closer and I hear one of them say"hey it's that girl again."


One of them yells out to me "You always have a suitcase don't you?"


I say" Actually, it's a backpack."


"Are you from America?"


I'm passing by them as I yell back "Yes."


"You look just like Peggy so and so." One yells .


"Who's that? " I say


" She's a really buff mod el" He says with a British accent, while doing a muscle pose.


Hmmm... I must look up this Peggy when I get home. LOL


I keep walking and then they start singing "She's an American girl ....she'll come into your town ...she'll help you party down...she's an American girl."



I was chuckling to myself the rest of the way home.

Oh and I guessed their ages to be about 9 or10 years old.



Naturally ,by the time I got home I had totally forgotten the last name of this buff Peggy.
Damn you, senility!










Does she look like this?













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Well it's Friday ,my spouse is on his way to the airport right now to come home.

My big plan is to get caught up on my chores before he gets here. Exciting ,I know.



Happy Friday peeps!


***********************************************************Oh , and ..here's a P.S.


My darling friend Brad sent me this email :

I google-ed "peggy british model"

This must be what they meant.

Peggy Ashcroft - dead at 83! - come on - update and post it !

You must be right ,the resemblance is uncanny.

I 'm feelin' the love brutha' :)


Oh, p.s. 2 I meant to also say that if the little boys had been closer to me, they would have really been embarrassed to see that I was old enough to be their grandma .

It's the little things ya'll :)

When are you due? bwa ha ha

Ola ya'll,



I am sitting here eating some rather repulsive, leftover spaghetti .I thought I would freshen it up with this jarred curry sauce that I bought.Well, nope. Didn't freshen it up, it made it too tomatoey and also tastes NOTHING like curry. bleah




My spouse left today for Helsinki. I have done hardly anything all day long. I know, shocking.
He didn't leave until noon. You know I can't clean "around " someone, nor can I clean without my cleaning music blaring. So, entire day...wasted.




I didn't feel too great either. Remember my "Alli" problem? Well, I ordered that stuff online 2 weeks ago. It still hasn't come. I remember it like it was yesterday, it was a Tuesday.

2 damn weeks ago!!I had my spouse check our credit card statement , YEP ,they charged us 40 pounds for it.

For the love of God people, where are my POO pills???







I can't stand the sight of my bloated self in the mirror.















Yesterday, I took the bus to Fareham. YES! It was babyboy's day off. Imagine my relief when I saw a grizzled old man driving the bus.


It was nice and warm out when I left the house. By 2:00 ,it was freezing ,sunless and windy. I was just about to go catch a bus home and then have to freeze to death,walking all the way home when hubby called from work and said "I need you to sign the taxes, want me to come pick you up?"


(Thank you God!) Yes!

He came and got me then had to go back to work. i read some books about victorian living conditions and woman during world war 2 ,and I waited and waited and waited. Hubby finally got home about 7 p.m.
(I still had to cook dinner ) gah!
Being poor sucks. We used to be able to order some chinese food.


Anyhow, while I was waiting , Booger (O'Reilly) demanded to play fetch . So here's daddy's rotten boy ,playing fetch.
(As you watch the first one, note the splendor of our lovely British home) NOT! LOLOLOOL

There's 2 more videos after this. Some of you have seen them. If so, I apologize. Believe it or not, I actually have some new readers :)

They haven't seen 'em.


Hope you guys had a great day!


Luv me

Through my dirty windows......

Ola Peeps,


Well yesterday we took a drive to a town called Hayling Island. It was a cute area but not too easy to get in and out of for an every day commute.



So far , we haven't found any town that would be any better than the one we're in. ack!



We did not stop and get out anywhere so presenting the hideous pictures I took from inside the moving car.









Downtown hayling Island.

Oh, I mean city centre.














Half of that house on the left is "for let"
probably pretty pricey too.













The Terror:


This is where the saying "hedged in" must have come from.















Homes on the seafront in Hayling Island.













Vegitation tunnel.













The seafront over in the distance.












Thatched roof. These are a common sight over here. Close up, it seems pretty incredible .So I looked it up....so I could quit asking myself "How do they do that?"


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thatching












British trailer park.

ugh..caravan park.














British cat, hanging around loose .



That's is all :)








I'm waiting for my husband to get the heck out of here and go to work, allready, so I can do my chores.


Then ,it's off to Fareham for my big trip to town . Woo hoo!


I hope it's babyboys day off from driving the freakin' bus.


Happy Monday ya'll!

oh the joy......

Ola ya'll ,


I got nuthin' . Seriously....nuthin'.



I'm going to start searching for the award we deserve.The most boring couple ever. I know it's out there somewhere.



If you think you're more boring than us, please let me know.



We're about to go take a drive to some place we haven't seen. Maybe I'll be back with something to report.



I'm considering taking up alcoholiism and porn*.
It's on tv for free here. Isn't that special? Ugh NOT!


Happy Sunday peeps!

My latest nervous breakdown....

I think I may have mentioned this before, but my husband is a horrifically scary driver.



Every time you get in the car with him, after much "white knuckle" action , you feel relieved and lucky to be alive if you've made it to your destination.



Well, THIS is in America. So, trust me, here in England.....OMG, wrong side of the road, freakin' stick shift with the left hand, and steering wheel ...wrong side of the car.



I don't even DO the thrill rides at the theme parks . I'm scared to death on a plain old roller coaster.







Every time my husband drives here, I am really terrified. There are times when I am on the verge of dry heaves. There are (many) times when I slap my hand over my eyes , because I just KNOW that he will never stop in time,before we crash right into that tiny car in front of us. ANDDD they seem to have no speed limit here. He's usually going about 90 miles an hour.













Remember we're on the WRONG side of the road.The road is very skinny. Over on he left side of the car, huge hedges are mere inches away from my face as we speed by.
If I dare to look the other direction, speeding cars are mere inches from hitting us, HEAD ON.

The entire experience...TERRIFYING!


Well, if HIS driving isn't bad enough..... ha! welcome to my NEW nightmare.













Picture it, Whiteley ,Uk. last week.
I'm standing there waiting for my bus, which BTW , is like waiting for a watched pot to boil. Bleh.




The bus finally shows up and it is a mere child driving the bus. A dark haired child with spiked hair. he has the face of an infant. There is a "grown" man in a suit and a neon vest standing behind him.



I think (horrified) "Oh crap, we have a trainee driving the bus."




I was scared to death! The hedges are whizzing by, my heart is beating out of my chest. I mean , that guy WAS standing behind him, but he would probably wreck the damn bus before he could do anything about it.





The next time I take the bus , baby boy drives right by and misses a stop. Suit man says "didn't you see those people?"




So, even though I had just paid him with 20 pounds , he short changed me 5 pounds, by then I was too full of pity for him to say any thing.





I take the bus , maybe one more time and "suit man " was driving , babyboy was sitting on one of the seats, so I figure he got in trouble for missing people , short changing people etc..





OK, so picture it , today ..... I am endlessly waiting for the bus. It is 5 minutes late.



As it nearly whizzes right by me, I'm frantically waving my arm.



I see that the driver is looking down instead of looking at the BUS STOP. He sees me right in the nick of time, comes screeching to a halt opens the door and then...what to my horrified eyes do I see?




Oh SHIT! Baby boy is now driving the bus SOLO.




"Don't be forgetting me." I said .




He said something, which I could not understand.



"They're letting you drive by yourself now? I'm scared!"




He said something , which I could not understand.




Then the terror ensued.




I was probably the only one on the bus that knew that we were being driven by an infant bus driver.




OMG! I was sooo terrified, every turn that he made , I felt as if the bus was going to turn over. Every time he stopped to pick someone up, I was afraid he was going to pull right out in front of someone. Every round about ,my guts were about to come up.






As I watched him while he was, whistling, drumming on the wheel , looking at his papers......I just knew I was at deaths door.




I saw the hedges rush by me, closer than ever, scraping the sides of the bus. It finally reached a point where I thought to myself "Holy crap, if I had balls, they would be shriveled up to my neck by now."




Miraculously, we made it to town and when it came time for MY stop, they had the street all blocked off for construction. He didn't know where to stop. He finally found a place to stop and as I ran off the bus I said "Thank you!"



Really meaning "Thank you for not killing me."




UGH! please pass the nerve pills.

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oh , I almost forgot the cats ...


This place is full of spiders....


no matter how microscopic they are...











Cavuto, the great white hunter...he can smell them or something.


He gets up every morning and goes on the hunt for bugs.















Monkey and O'Reilly after her harrowing ordeal today... Cavuto went ape shit on her, after she growled at him for 10 minutes ...for NO reason.


He sat there and looked at her ,growling at him for about 5 minutes, then he talked back...his tail swished and next thing ya know , SHE was trapped behind the file cabinet , screaming like she was being killed.










And last but not least..the actual spoiled ass brats on the British counter.

No one wants to drink "old water" around here.

I can't say as I blame them because the water here really is AWFUL.

Cavuto sits there by the faucet ...just waiting for water to magically appear . And O'reilly covets the water ...but he won't drink out of the faucet...he has to have a fresh glass of water, preferably crystal.


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Cat betrays his girlfriend: