Sunday, September 13, 2009

Sorry about your ass being in cargo....

Cats in the cabin?

Oh, isn't that what we all want?

You just stuff your cat into that little sherpa bag ...and off you go ..into the wild blue yonder.

Well, I know that the thought of your beloved ,spoiled ass rotten baby flying in cargo seems like the worst nightmare you could ever imagine....BUT....I had to rein myself IN and relive the reality of having my precious babies right there at my feet.

This is the diary of when I flew with O'Reilly and Monkey IN the cabin in 2004 from Chicago to Stockholm ,Sweden and back.

(Monkey and O'Reilly ,in England)
Now a days...without their mama.

Keep in mind that when I took This particular flight, O'Reilly was the "newest " cat and Monkey hated his guts.

She was the second oldest cat at the time and she was totally in LOVE with our crazy 3 legged cat, Stew.
He had raised her since she was a baby .
He made HER afraid of everything, just like he was.

Ok, so she's environmentally retarded.

But , I digress....

Back to my point.....wait a sec...what the hell was my point?

Oh , ok , I remember.

Cabin or cargo?

We all have these fantasies about having our little darlings sitting there on our laps as we cross the world. That WOULD be lovely ,but HERE is the reality of having 2 cats in the cabin.

(and BTW , they will NOT let you take them out of the bag)

2004-11-03 - 9:03 p.m.

Day One..."Where will you be when your diarrhea comes back?"
OOOh! I know...on the plane, bound for Sweden: 0
the cats appear to be sleeping at the moment just unzipped the bag enough to see Monkey's face.
For they last few hours I've been worried that they finally did conk out, and maybe were suffocating each other by laying the wrong way.
I have nowhere to put my feet unless I sit Indian style or one leg under me and one upon the person up front's armrest,
I gave the cats their sedative an hour and 15 minutes before the Taxi was scheduled to arrive.
First, I got o Reilly, shoved the pill down his docile throat.....Piece of cake.
Then put him in the carrier.
Then I went to get Monkey-Well...she was already on-to me, she knew I was up to no good!
She ran from me, she his under the bed,(several times)I got down on my knees (several times) in my fresh clean pants , I had just put on , after showering and getting ready to go.
Well, I finally grabbed her &tried to shove the pill down her throat. She fought me like a wild bear, scratched me and spit the pill right back out.
So, then I took her and the damn pill, sat down on the toilet seat, wrapped a towel around all her feet and tried again.
Repeat wild bear attack scene. She was so violent, I could not be positive that the pill actually went down her throat.
So I go stuff her in the carrier, then I get to get on my knees all around the toilet-searching for the case she spit it out again.
By this time, I feel like a sweaty pig....and also had hot rollers in my hair this whole time. I see no sign of the I sit back and wait for the magic to happen.
40 minutes later......still no magic. Monkey is growling, he’s flipping around like a fish.ack!!
I give them both another half of a pill......the maximum that I'm allowed,
and I call the vet.....
"How long does this stuff take to work?"
they call me back and say "about an hour"
the cats are acting drunk , their eyes are rolled back in their heads....but they are wide awake1
I try to separate them....maybe then they'll go to sleep. I takeO'reilly out & go sit on the couch with him cuz he seems the most dopey.
Well, he tries to walk around all falling over & so I put him back in the carrier and take Monkey out.
Meanwhile, O’reilly goes wild in there and knocks himself and the carrier off the table.
So I sit on the my now. Filthy pants and hold Monkey with one hand and with the other, pet O’reilly, in the carrier.
I call the vet again..."nope, can't give them anymore medicine"
I call the airlines to see if I could bring two carriers.
I am on hold with the airlines when the Limo guy rings the doorbell. He takes my giant suitcase and one backpack to the car. Then I grab another backpack, my purse and a jacket. Put Monkey back in the carrier. And run down there.
They suddenly get quiet for awhile in the Limo. This the way is this huge stretch limo with about 15 feet between me and the driver. It has a bar, a TV.
But the heat is blaring. I am roasting!
I finally say to myself "out loud"
"good lord, it is burning up in here!"
All of a sudden he closes the little window between us.
Apparently he had some kind of intercom up there and heard what I said. And probably numerous cuss words before that.

Well, there are movies &TV. shows on - but I'm afraid to listen to anything cuz I won't be able to hear the cats.
Some guy came by and wanted the empty (thank god) seat next to me.
I wasn't very willing to give it up. So he stormed off in a huff. Without another word to me.Oh well!

Oh yeah..back to the limo... the driver drops me off .There is no curbside check in...So there I am with a giant suitcase, 2backpacks, a jacket, my purse and a 25 pound bag of snarling cats.
I put on the jacket and the backpack, and purse and drag and carry the rest. By the time the luggage is checked I think I'm on easy street. Well ...not!!!!!
I am sweltering. The security lines sooo long it takes about an hour to get thru it. When I finally get up there, the cats are finally quiet, I’m sweating like a pig. Had no chance to take off the jacket.
Then I have to take my boots of (which are tied in a double knot) and take both cats OUT of the carrier and walk with them both thru the security scanner.
Well, now what little effect the pills shave had, I’m afraid is over.
I'm covered in cat hair, sweaty, filthy and NOW my exlax is working!
Lord have mercy!
Then after I walk about a mile to my gate I barely had a minute to get that damn jacket off, talk to Scott and then they boarded the plane. It's pitch black down on the floor so I have no way to see the cats and its so noisy in her I wouldn't even hear them unless they got very loud. There is a 2 or 3 year old kid sitting right behind me, singing kicking my seat unmercifully, I am now having my 2nd drink. (Saving you the bottles Janice).
I don't know what time it is, but O'Riellys crying and that same fool - after hours now had the stewardess ask if he could sit here. I told her I'd have 2 cats down there and nowhere to put my feet!!
So they sat the guy a few seats behind me. A few seconds later I asked the flight attendant if I could put the carrier on the seat to see if they wanted some water. O'Rielly was trying to get out. I asked a girl to hold the water while I made sure Monkey was breathing....yep...breathing...awake and growling. Lord help me...We're only just now over the Atlantic Ocean.
Oh yay....both of the spot lights above me won't turn off.
I was just told they're broken....they can't turn them off. So here I am my whole seat lit up like Christmas...while everyone else is sitting in the dark. (the curse. I say!) So, I said 'well since I'm in the spot light awake...can I get another drink?" It's coming. The cats are covered and I can't hear them now. I hope they're asleep. They just brought me my drink and an eye mask. Lovely!

Ok where was I?
The plane had just landed when I started smelling cat poo.Monkey had an accident. So after allll that money we spent on all those cat requirements, when I went thru customs they wanted me to carry the cats thru the metal detector. I said "I can't one of them went to the bathroom in there" So they just unzipped the stinky bag and looked in there. They NEVER asked for the cats papers or read those dumb microchips. NOT one word about any of it!
I had a headache all day .Then in the afternoon I went to a grocery store. Most of the food I could not identify. I also had to find a pet store with a litter box. I drug a suitcase along to do my shopping. Then Scott got home and I had a bawling mental attack and told him I wanted to take my babies and go home.
We were up until 3 a.m. I have no concept of what time it is here. They use military time and the metric system. So it's like 1600 o'clock, 9 degrees and they sell meat in kilos.
The prices are also so confusing it seems like you're spending 25.90 for a box of cereal.
Oh yeah, I also had to buy some sheets. They have no fitted sheets here. No thread count either. So I’m guessing 180 sand paper sheets. So for 2 flat sheets and 2 pillow cases it was 95 U.S. dollars. The salesgirl asked me if they were cheaper in America.Yeah- I could have gotten good ones at Marshalls for 60 or less.
Today we took our suitcase in search of a bath rug, some decent sized cups and some wash clothes. We took the subway a train downtown, armed to shop. Then they called Scott and reminded him that he had some class to teach in an hour. So I've been down here walking around for hours by myself. I can not take another step. I'm sitting in some restaurant now, with my suitcase waiting for Scott to call me, so he can find out where I am. Oh and no luck finding wash cloths or a bath rug.

2004-11-25 - 4:25 a.m.

They are not kidding when they say "there's no place like home!"

We made it home yesterday. Our 9 hour flight turned out to be 12, with all the delays and the blizzard they were having in Chicago.

I leave Sweden early and then our weather turns the same way! ack!

Scott got to help give Monkey her sedative this time. Even with 2 of us. She fought us and spit it out. Eventually we were picking dissolved bits of it off of Scott’s shirt, trying to stuff them down her throat.
We got to the airport about 7:30 A.m. the cats were wild and crazy for a few hours, at one point O' Reilly busted his head right thru the zipper on their bag. Eventually they went to sort of a sleep. I actually watched part of two movies this time. The borne supremacy. And the notebook. I was sitting there bawling over the notebook.
Then I lay down on the 2 seats I had, twice and took a nap. I have no idea for how long. But the sound of Monkey scorching woke me up.
I never saw Rick at all during the whole flight. He said he came back there once to see how I was doing, but I was asleep.
His wife came to pick us up. We had to wait about an hour and a half for her to get there. 20 miles. The freeway was just like a parking lot. Barely moving.
Then just as long to get home. The poor cats were in that bag for like 15 hours! And thank GOD! no air poo this time.
They were some happy cats to see this house man!

So, Today I'm dragging my Christmas stuff out of the attic and recovering.
I'm sure Ian and Logan have plans, so I'm not cooking or anything. In fact there's not even any food here. I gave it all away before I left.

Well Happy Thanksgiving ya'll and remember to give thanks for the good old U.S.A.
God Bless America!!! There's no place like home!!!

NOTE: they do not allow cats to be sedated for flights any more.

So , having been there, done that. I have to say "I LOVE you Cavuto and I think we have proven it , but I'd rather not feel like killing myself on the flight. I'll be thinking about you constantly ,except for the time when I am watching that movie that I've been dying to see.

The Hangover

A scene from the movie Hangover.

One of the flat-out funniest comedies of the year – a rude, crude warning about how badly a stag weekend can turn out. Three friends wake up in their Vegas hotel suite without any memory of what happened the night before. The room is trashed, the groom has disappeared, and there’s a real live tiger in the bathroom. Now they have to follow the clues to find their missing pal.

And...the time I am smashed over to the window ,sleeping.

Now that I know you better, I know that's what you'll be doing,.Sleeping.

I'll see you on the flip side, my million dollar baby. Lets just hope my sister can survive the drive to Dallas with your bratty ass.

This is my goal ...Yes, to get back to This......go ahead ...feel sorry for me ....or make me your role model. Every crazy cat lady for herself.

Luv me


Anonymous said...

I can see how you'd worry with him in cargo, BUT I can see how it'd be lest stressful -- for both of you! Nice to have a nice sister to come and get you! aj

SOUL: said...

i forgot what i was gonna say--
but yep-- hangover was the funniest movie i've seen in ages!!!
it's a keeper-- i shall be buyin that one.

oh yes, and i had just thought of your screamer of a darling yesterday--- think he could handle a xanax on the road?? lol.
luv me

audrod777 said...

wow! what day do you leave? Is it that time already? How long are you staying? Im curious, how come you haven't stayed the whole time?

Anonymous said...

What happened to your Kitty Stew? I hope you all have a Happy reunion in England! :))

Anonymous said...

Wow! Whatta story. No smell on earth is worse than fresh cat poo. I think Cavuto will do just fine in cargo. Have a great trip and give us a report! G5