Tuesday, January 27, 2009

I'm backkkkkk!!!!!

Tuesday…..Day 5 with no internet or T.V.

Do I need to tell you how insane I feel? I suppose weepy would be the word for it. I bawl at the drop of a hat.

The cable man is supposed to arrive today. My knight in shining armor!

I just hope he gets here EARLY.

I did get 10 free (also old) movies at the library. I think I watched all of three of them

I have read several novels, during my solitary confinement. A few of them were quite good. I’ll let ya’ know what they were.

Yesterday I went to Sherwin Williams and got the matching paint for our trim, in here. Some of it is looking pretty shabby. I thought I would give myself a little project to do.

I did two windowsills and the baseboards in the entry way. My heart just isn’t in it.

Poor Cavuto, besides being skinny, looks and feels all dry and skuzzy. I have never had a reason in is lifetime to give him a bath .But I think that time is now. Today he gets his first bath. Not sure how that’s gonna go. lol but he does have all his claws.

He is also still on the” 6 hours ahead” England time. He has been waking me up at 1:45 A.M., thinking its morning.

He has thankfully, remembered all his little odd rituals. Demanding whip cream, wanting water from the faucet and waking me up with the full “paw face, meowing “routine. He has not played at all though. He cries for O’Reilly and spends a lot of time sleeping. I think he is still recovering from his horrible ordeal. I know how he feels. I have not even unpacked my suitcase. It’ still lying on my bedroom floor. I just hope he returns to his knuckleheaded little self.

Naturally, the day after I got here we got a big cold snap. LOL It’s freezing out there. I actually feel guilty that I am not out walking my ass off everyday. AND afraid every ounce of weight I lost will come rushing right back to me. Ack!

That would be 15 pounds BTW. I finally got up the nerve to step on the scale. Only 10 more to go. Lol

I can’t wait to read everyone’s blog and see what ya’ll have been up to.

I better go get cleaned up incase my Knight gets here early!

Luv me

Better get comfortable.....here's my lonnnng post about my trip home :)


Hi all,

We are home!!!

Our trip was a sheer delight. (not)

You already KNEW that, right?

Let me start at the beginning. Ok. Picture it England.....night before we leave. We get a call from animal reception in London (Cavuto had been taken up there that day by the quarantine people) saying "Do you have any papers on Cavato that state what generation of a Bengal he is?"

They call him Cavato.

Example: F1, up to F5 Bengal’s are not very far removed from the Asian Leopard cat (which Bengal's originated from) and are therefore under some "endangered species act" in England.

Naturally, I do NOT have these papers because I was unable to reach Cavutos breeder before we went to England.

Ironically they did not ask for them on the way INTO the country. But if I don't come up with something NOW, they will not allow him to return to the US.

After much panicking and frantic phone calls and emails they were able to reach Cavutos breeder. Thank God! (And thanks again Jen!)

He is like an F9, BTW, Not even Bengally enough to be a show cat :)

Next morning we get up at 5 A.M. to head for the airport. When we arrive we tried to change my seat to a window seat. The man tells me "oh yes, you might even get an upgrade" meaning I would not be in the cattle car section. Whee!

My spouse leaves me there around 9. Luckily he DID leave that early because it took forever to get thru security and then take a train to my gate, where I discover that the breakfast I had been planning to buy was nowhere to be had.ack!

I go up to see if I got my upgrade.

"Oh you will have to check after the flight is closed"

I wait around until all 300 or so people have boarded the plane. I am the very last one.

I did manage to get moved to a window seat, but NO upgrade. gah!

I mosey on back to the cattle car section where I spot my seatmates, hence forth known as "east Indian guy " and "bad breath man"

Just like my last flight, there are 3 babies in the row ahead of me. Allowed to scream their heads off as much as they wish.

It took like an hour just to taxi to the runway. By this time I was already starving. I put my ring neck pillow on and was asleep by the time we were taking off. When we finally actually got in the air, I tried to watch the movie "Julia" a thriller. A sucky thriller. Don't bother.

Between my inability to keep my eyes open, my hunger pangs and the odors emanating from my seat mates, I then tried to watch the movie "Nights in Rodnathe" .Honestly, I couldn't stay awake enough to tell you anything about that one ...except....if you are old enough to know reality, don't bother .If you still believe in romance and unicorns...give it a shot.

I woke up towards the end of that one and I saw that east Indian guy AND bad breath guy had gotten up to use the potty.

(THIS is my chance! after at least 4 hours)So I throw off my headphones and squish myself out of our row like Christmas cookie dough. I go stand in the huge line for the bathroom, right next to bad breath man.

He was leaning right up against the exit door, so I said "that’s not going to pop open, is it?"

"No, it's double locked, here and here" as he points to the locks. I could barely understand what he was saying. I figured it out when he pointed to the locks.

He immediately took my comment as an invitation to converse and turned right into my face , with his mouth that had not seen food or water for hours .......and had now turned into the breath of the crypt keeper and said" will you e inrested to hear....something ,something... that you use once day to make healthy?"

(Thought bubble) "Oh...MY ....GOD ...your BREATH is going to blow that door right off the hinges or MY head right off."

.Lord....THIS is why I break out a book the second I get in an airplane seat.

(Next thought bubble)"My last mother in law was a scientologist ,honey.....been there, seen it , heard the sales pitch...Whatever it is....I'm too cheap to buy it."

I turn to him, holding my breath, wishing I had worn that damn SARS mask and say" I'm sorry, but NO. Thank you"

My bladder is at the mercy of these men!

Then he breathed into my face ..."what do you do?"

"Um I'm a housewife to spoiled cats" That usually shuts people right up. But nooooo...he continued to speak (breathe in my face) to me until my turn in the bathroom came. I think. He asked me if "I stayed home with the grandkids"

Or he may have said "grand ladies, garland queens, kids, queens, grand daddies, kiddies, commodes"

I have no idea what he was saying. But when it sounded like he was insinuating that I was a grandma....I hated him even more than before.

Luckily, they both stayed out of our cram aisle until I smooshed myself back in there.

I get crammed back into my seat and then, east Indian guy takes off his shoes AND effin socks! Holy shit...why don't you stinky's just throw me out the window????Try some damn foot powder....leave your damn socks ON to contain the odor!

I admit it, I took MY shoes off, but I DID take a bath that morning...and I did not, NOR would I ever take my socks off and walk around barefoot on some scummy plane. ESPECIALLY if my foot odor was going to gag anyone. Human decency ...people.

Oh...maybe I digress....who the hell knows.

I was skunked. It made me delirious for a while there.

Next thing I know, I woke to the smell of curry. That's because east Indian guy was the FIRST one in our row of stinkyness to be given ANY food. Because HE had the sense to order a SPECIAL meal.

Note: if you want your food first order a SPECIAL meal. Indian, Kosher, Diabetic, Vegetarian....anything. YOU will get it first, and it will probably be better than the other swill.

I was so hungry by then; I was drooling over that curry smell.

When they finally approached ME, I could barely hear them “chicken or lasagna?"

OH, shit....the spur of the moment.....????

I'm used to being able to order last if need be.

I felt like a game show contestant.

I shouted out...”uh ...Chicken! "

Once I opened my chicken......I was sadly deceived (in my mind) about what I was expecting. I was the lucky winner of a minuscule nub of dried out, overcooked chicken and some hideous "whole wheat ...something" I want to say Orzo....but I don't know if that's right. It looked just like barely, and tasted like crap.

After we ate our fabulous "meal”, the edible parts. tired the next movie. "Ghost town" I think it was.

The one with (HA! I just asked MYSELF, what's that kid’s name? ........ummmmmm......give me that gay guy from " ugh....no...Still can't remember.... you know...the gay guy that got beat up in that one movie, with Helen....something ...and the OLD guy Jack Nicholson! THAT guy was in it.)

(THIS is why my own husband hates me. Damn you senility!!! Because, really, this is the way I talk, apparently.) In this moment of clarity, I can see how annoying it must be for some husbands and shit. Sorry Dear, my bad. Let’s just hope it doesn't kill me.

Oh, I digress....again...

Anyhow, if you can figure THAT out...that movie was good. Funny as hell, even. I was sitting, wide awake, in my cattle car seat and cackled out loud a few times. Even knowing the risk, that bad breath man might know I was alive and awake, over there.

After that movie, I was lucky enough to curl my short unwomanly legs up like pretzel, and sleep some more.

I probably woke up the next time I smelled curry. Sure enough, east Indian guy had gotten HIS early dinner. I was drooling like Cvauto.

Note to self: next time ....order a frekin; Hindu diet.

This was about an hour before landing. They bring him all this yummy looking (and smelling) food and by the time they bring ours....I am sooooo hungry. And what do I get?

Oh it looks like a half of a sandwich and a piece of pineapple. Well, the pineapple was just lovely. But what to my horror do I find, upon tasting my half a sandwich? That's right, effin salmon spread.

*dry heave *dry heave*

ugh....yeah....That's how much I can enjoy (or eat) salmon. Holy crap, I'm starving to death on my million dollar flight. Sweet.

Once they finally feed you that last meal, you know it's nearly time to land.

I opened my window shade (cuz I got the power) lol

And watched the swimming pools get closer and closer.... and thought about plane crashes...even the lovely one that just happened, you know the "happy ending "one.

The one that I still haven't heard about "were there any animals on that flight?"

Remember, MY baby was in the bottom of this plane. So, once we touched down on the actual runway...all was good.

NOT convenient....but good (I hoped)

BTW the pilot announced "The temperature here in Dallas is 78 degrees."

Oh sweet Jesus ...let me kiss you warm Dallas!

Its 2:45 when the plane lands. I get through customs and get to baggage claim and am told to wait, after I get my bags, for someone to bring me Cavuto's paperwork. A guy finally shows up with the papers and then it's into another long ass line for customs.

"Oh you have a cat, get in that line over there now."

I get in the new line which is a security line with everyone’s bags being unloaded and x-rayed. When my turn finally arrives "what does this have to do with my cat being on the flight?"

"Oh, you don't have the cat with you? Then I can't help you. Go on and exit"

Surely they could see that I had no cat when they told me to get INTO that stupid line!

Then I step outside into the warm Dallas air. Oh it was delightful.

Next stop the car rental bus. I arrive at the car rental to be told that my husbands discount does not work for me. So I downgrade my car to a cheap wobbly wheeled ford focus. And still manage to hit the 200 dollar mark. Freakin' scam artists!

Next I have to drive to some remote cargo area out on the Texas plains to get Cavuto, after going the wrong direction, I finally find the place. I have to drive around back to a loading dock and they bring my poor scared baby. I immediately took him out of that horrid cage and put his harness on him and off we went to find our freeway. He was screaming and wandering around the car. I tried to keep him out of my face and off my lap cuz' he's rather huge and distracting.

I almost wrecked the car once as I heard the back window rolling down! He was standing on the button. Ack!

After about another hour in traffic and bad road signage I get to my freeway.

Sweet. It's now 6 p.m., just in time for Dallas rush hour .AND it's already getting dark.

IF you know me, you know that I have severe night blindness and I NEVER drive after dark.

Well, getting thru Dallas at 40 miles and hour in the traffic jam wasn't too bad for a blind person. All I had to do was follow the traffic.

Once I got out of Dallas, no more street lights. Uht oh. Now I am Mr. Magoo turned loose on the freeway. I literally can not see where the road goes for more than 10 feet in front of me.

After a little nervous panic I finally realized that if I made myself into a truck sandwich, I could see better with the truck behind me's lights and then I could follow the truck in front of me instead of trying to see the road.

This was working like a charm until some asshole in a pickup gets in front of me. I pass the asshole so I don't lose my truck. (He was going the perfect speed and everything.)

Then, what happens? That's right...I see the blue lights flashing behind me. I am getting pulled over AND losing my sandwich trucks. ack!

"Maam , the reason I stopped you is because you pulled right in front of that pickup and then you got too close to that big rig."

I was almost dumb enough to blurt out "I know, I'm following that truck because I can't see."

Luckily the nice officer gave me a warning and not a ticket. Then I was on my merry blind way and I had lost my sandwich trucks.

It was 8:30 by now and I had still not stopped to get food, drink or pee.I had been afraid to until I knew I was on my main freeway. Then, I was afraid to stop at McDonalds or somewhere because with my luck, someone would have broken the window and stolen cavuto or he would hang himself on his harness. You know that kind of thing.

So I finally stop at a gas station where I can park right in front so I can see the car. I get a huge coffee and look around at my dining choices. What do they have? Corn dogs. Lovely, but it will have to do.

After getting back on the road and several blind panicky miles, I found myself a new pair of sandwich trucks. I was correct in my assumption that they would be going all the way to my turn off road. Thank God! By the time I got on that road it was nearly 11, my knees were killing me and I was starving and exhausted. I though I was NEVER going to get here. It was so late there was hardly any traffic so I was able to use my Brights the rest of the way home.

Cavuto was THRILLED to see his home and I must say, this place has never looked so huge and beautiful!

God bless America!!!!!!!!!!!


I have some new pictures which I shall post later. I have to go run my errands . We have a big ice storm a' comin'

I've missed you guys!!!! Big hugs!!!


Creative Problem Solver said...

You should keep walking!
Walk to the mall 3 times a week. You'll regret it if you don't do something!

Mary said...

Golly, Gee, what a trip. Traveling by air is not fun anymore.

I'm so happy that you are home and that Cavuto is able to be comfortable. Poor baby.

Waiting to see the pics and regular blogs from you.

Take care, friend, and rest up.

Creative Problem Solver said...

Bahaha! Great story about your trip home. I really need to see that movie, Ghost Town!

Love ya!

Golden To Silver Val said...

Tell us more....tell us more! Glad you're home safe. I know you can do without the ice storm though. LOL

Brad said...

And people wonder why I hate to fly! - Glad your home safe and (somewhat) sound!

desert dirt diva said...

yes i am glad you made it, how did the bath go?

Anonymous said...

I flew once with my cat and not only did I have too smell all the awful SMELLS on the plane put poor kitty had pissed all over himself, (JOY,) Thank God on baths!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Welcome home! Or at least one of your homes. That was the flight from hell for sure. I hope receiving this blog means that your Knight in Shining Armor came and hooked up your cable. G5
PS You can drive to the mall and walk inside the mall - 3 trips from end to end would equal about half a mile. At least it is warm.

Dear Liza said...

So happy to see that you are home! Poor Cavuto, I'm sure some time with his mama will make him feel better. How about you---how are you feeling?

Looking forward to reading more and seeing your pics!

Happy Wednesday. Hugs.


Anonymous said...

do you complain about everything? You must have something that is good in your life...what happened to the blog you wrote that said that you would be thankful for things back in the states, after you had been in England?
It sounds like you need to get something to do to make your life nicer.

Creative Problem Solver said...


I'm the same way when it comes to writing. Where's the fun in reading about all the hunky dory good parts of somebody's day? The true comedy comes from describing in detail the fiascoes and follies.

I'm not sure if you read the whole post, but at the end, she expressed how huge and beautiful everything is in America.

My .02

ac said...

What an ordeal you've been through! Hopefully the kitty will soon settle down to USA time. Flying is such fun. I should do more. (NOT!) :)

desert dirt diva said...

Who the heck is ano.....people seem to forget that a blog is for the sole purpose of letting out our emotions...bad times and good.. well my friend here has been going threw a most difficult time in her life with her babies and anyone who has been following this blog CAN clearly see how awful CAVUTO looks..don't worry a few bowls of whipped cream and he'll be fine.....so get off your high horse and give this women a damn breaK!

I do the love the new scratching post....of o'reilys,.
and everything will be alright its just the family curse....give it time...

BPOTW said...

Wow, I'm tired from reading your commentary. I cannot believe you had to suffer through two stinky people, one of whom was trying to kill you. Glad you (and Cavuto) made it safe and sound!