Part 3: Weis's trip to the big Apple

Hmmm.. Let’s see if I can actually remember.

The clock strikes 5:30 am. Ramya, with fire coming out of her nostrils and snakes writhing in all directions emanating from her scalp, bursts into the room. She is hurling projectiles and swinging a tornado of whips and chains, flaying the very flesh from our sleeping forms. In a voice more deafening than thunder, she barks out orders and obscenities, shaking the building from its foundation. Bonnie, Al, Danielle and I cower in the corner, trembling like canaries in a cage of cobras. Just kidding, haha. She said that I demonized her in my previous installment for waking up early, so I had to up the ante. The truth is, Ramya is a very cool chick and a gracious host. I am ever so grateful that she let me stay at her place!

I think the time is 9:30 and almost everybody else is already up and about. Me, being the lazy ass that I am, am trying to push the envelope and get every last bit of sleep possible as the room starts to buzz around me. Finally, I get up and join the living. Today’s plan is to get brunch at some place across town and then go to central park. Nirali is supposed to be joining us (finally!) Nirali is the nice Indian girl who let us stay at her place back when I came to NYC with Logan and Klam a few years ago.

We all get ready and wait for Nirali to show up. We watch some TV and bullshit for a while as the clock ticks away and our collective hunger grows. Ramya has to leave for Boston later and I guess Al and Danielle have places to be as well. We decide instead of going across town, to go to City Grill for brunch. We also decide to have Nirali meet us there. We all head out to the restaurant, which is just a few blocks away.

When we came here a couple of days ago, they weren’t serving brunch. I order the western omelet and some delicious coffee! Everybody’s food comes out and Nirali is still nowhere to be found. Everybody is too ravenous to wait for her. I’m sure she’ll understand! The western omelet is a pretty standard menu item. You see them at ihop and waffle house. No biggie. However, this is one of the most delicious omelets I’ve ever eaten! I wish I knew what their secret was! After devouring my food and guzzling down a few cups of coffee, lo and behold.. Nirali is here!

We seem to be seated at the only table in the place that can accommodate 6 people. There’s a gaggle of people eyeballing us from the front of the restaurant.. Coveting our table, no doubt! Finally we settle up and saddle up. We head back to the apartment to regroup and digest our delicious food. We watch some more “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia.” It’s a great show! You should check it out if you haven’t.

It looks like we’re losing most of the group. Al, Ramya and Danielle are going off to handle their business, while Bonnie, Nirali and I are going to central park. Al is the first to disappear. The girls are having a heated debate about who the top ranking cup cake bakers are in town. I am making fun of their tendency to make lists and rank everything. I suggest that they may want to make a list to determine who has the cutest purse before we leave.

So we’re off on our journey and it’s pretty hot outside. We step into a small place called crumbs. They have some pretty crazy looking cup cakes. Being the exciting old man that I am, I simply order an iced coffee while the gals all get cupcakes. At this point, Ramya and Danielle head back to the apartment and Bonnie, Nirali and I head for central park. Oddly enough, I’ve been to the city twice before and never made it there. I snap a photo of a lady digging through the trash. She didn’t appear to be a bum, so I thought it peculiar. I snap a few photos of the park as we approach and I’m chastised by Nirali for being a tourist.

There’s a large body of water in the park. The surface is covered in many parts by a mysterious green film. We find a spot with a nice view of what appears to be a beach made entirely of guacamole. Nirali enjoys her giant cup cake and we kick back taking friendly jabs at one another. After a while, Nirali notices that she’s super popular (among the ant community, that is!) An army of ants is attempting a hostile takeover of her bag. She freaks out and Bonnie helps her swat them off her luggage while I snap pictures and point and laugh.

Nirali has someplace to be, so we leave the park. It’s a pretty nice day. Bonnie and I decide to head over to Chelsea to check out the improv show at the UCB theatre. The show isn’t until 9:30, but it’s free, so you have to get there way early and stand in line. We arrive around 8pm and there’s a pretty long line. It’s not clear whether or not we’ll even get in, but we have nowhere else to go!

We wait and wait and wait. Bonnie holds our position in line while I take a walk. I use my fancy phone to locate a cigar store and purchase a cheap mini cigar to puff on. I head back to the line and wait with Bonnie. Finally, 9:30 rolls around and we actually get into the theatre! Naturally, there’s not an empty seat in the house, however there is a ramshackle old bookshelf. I give it a test sit and there’s a piece of wood jutting up and making it too uncomfortable to make a seat out of. Using my master improv skills, I turn the shelf around et voila! I decent seat materializes before our eyes. I can tell that our fellow stander uppers are green with envy. Bonnie and I now have a place to sit!

Bonnie leaves to go to the bathroom and get some beers. I start BSing with this girl named Sarah. As it turns out, Sarah has just moved to NYC about 3 months earlier and is taking one of the improv classes offered by the theatre. I’m insanely jealous. She doesn’t seem too thrilled about living in the city though. Bonnie returns with the beers. The show is underway and Horatio Sans from Saturday Night Live is in the house! It’s pretty damn funny for the most part. Definitely worth the wait!

After the show, Bonnie and I are pretty hungry. I send Edward a text message to see if he wants to meet up for a midnight dinner, since we’re on his side of town. We decide to go to this place called “Dallas BBQ.” The hostess asks us “two?” I tell her, “Yes, but could we have a table that can possible seat one more?” “No, we don’t do that. If you want a table for three, you have to have three people! We’re closing in 15 minutes anyway!” What a freaking hag! I’m literally in awe. I get a text message from Edward. He declines meeting up with us anyways, saying that he’s still recovering from last night’s boozing.

Bonnie and I are seated at a microscopic table for two and I express my contempt for the hostess. We get menus and junk. I scour the menu for a chicken sandwich. There’s none to be found. I decide on a turkey burger and Bonnie gets a veggie burger.

The turkey burger arrives and it’s a regular coronary waiting to happen. The giant burger tosses about in a sea of BBQ sauce. The bottom bun completely soaked through. On top of the huge ground turkey patty is half a pig’s worth of bacon. Atop that is practically a cup of deep fried onions. Too starving to care, I scrape the fried onions off and dig in. It’s actually pretty good as long as I keep the notion of eating healthy far out of my mind. It is definitely one of the messiest things I have ever seen.

After eating, I’ve got BBQ sauce up to my elbows, all over my face, under my nails, etc. The restaurant is emptying at a rapid pace and I’m expecting the hag of a hostess to start breathing down our necks at any moment. We pay our checks and I go to the bathroom to wash up.

We decide to call it an early night so we can sleep in tomorrow. Aww yeah!
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Kindest Regards,
Wesley Black
Fuel Multimedia
(904)387-2237
FuelMultimedia.com