Friday, September 19, 2008

Guest post, rotten cats and un-pc-ness

A conversation with my cat.........

me: "um, excuse me, I can't see the computer."






"Um, excuse ME, but I am reading this."













me: "It's MY computer.Move it!."






"What? I can't even hear you. "









me: "I'm gonna tell."





"go ahead, Daddy likes me best."









Me:"I'm not kidding ,MOVE!"







"Figaro...figaro...figaro......"












Me:" I'm telling."

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My husband seems to be fine. He is sore from his tumble ,but hopefully ok.
He was going to go home (to England) early. But could not change his flight. So he is staying in Sweden at a friends house. I am glad because the friend will be there to notice if he starts showing signs of a head injury. :)


BTW, He was not drunk. My first question was "how do you know you didn't faint?"

Of course he does not know, because he can't remember the fall. But he is claiming to have tripped on the new shoes I bought him. (Likely story) lol


My post about his fall was supposed to be funny. (even though I am worried sick)
I guess my sarcastic wit is above some peoples heads. (or ,maybe I am just too damn sarcastic)


Last night my neighbor ,Dr. Man rang the doorbell wanting to know how hubby got an epidural hematoma. I said "No, I was just saying it was possible. Because he did NOT go to the doctor afterwards. "


Sorry for the confusion.

****************************************************************************
I realize that I sometimes say things that may seem un-PC. I am sorry about that, I do not mean to offend anyone. That's just the way things roll sometimes.

I promised a guest post by my eldest son.....and here is PART 1:

Disclaimer:I have nothing against gay people ,and neither does my son. It just happens to come up sometimes. Just like the white trash ,black chick I had to sit next to at the beauty shop. But that's a whole 'nother story. :)
*****************************************************************************

Ok.....Presenting

Part 1:Weis's trip to the big Apple

Prologue:

This trip is to be my third trip to New York City. I’ve always wanted to go to a taping of the Conan O’Brien show, but it’s really tough to get tickets! By some miracle, Bonnie has procured them this time! Holy Crap!! The only catch is the taping doesn’t leave much time afterwards for me to get to my plane. I decide not to check any bags in order to save time at the airport.

I have learned to accept the fact that I simply will not get any sleep the night before taking a trip of almost any kind. It’s a fact of life. I’m ok with it... Sort of.

Bonnie says that it’s likely to be chilly in the city. I’m pretty thrilled about the idea of cool weather after the hellish Florida summer. I pack one pair of shorts and 2 pair of jeans (a third pair which I’m wearing on the way there). Two whole pairs of jeans take up about 2/3 the space in my tiny carry-on suitcase. I don’t think I’ve ever packed so light in my life. It’s kinda nice actually.

I’m all “packed” before 10pm.. Wow! Usually I’m not finished until 2am. I take a shower and then I decide to start copying videos to my laptop and music to my iphone. I update to the latest itunes and there’s a cool new way to make playlists! I separate my stupid gels and liquids into a quart-sized zip-loc baggie. I carefully decide which pills I should bring. Allergy meds, check. More powerful allergy meds, check. Caffeine pills, check. Sleeping pills, check. Nyquil, check. Dayquil, check. Multi-vitamin, check. Antacids, check. (you never know what tiny ailment will ruin your vacation!!) I go over my inventory, itinerary and anal-retentatively confirm that I haven’t forgotten a single detail.

What do you know? It’s now 1am!!!

I finally lay down to sleep after setting my alarm for 4:45am. I toss and turn for what seems like an eternity. I can hear my roommates talking in the other room. I can tell they are being very quiet, but my amplified insomnia hearing allows me to hear every rat fart in a ten mile radius!

Finally I manage to fall asleep and am immediately awoken by my alarm.

Friday:

I spring from my bed and start my normal routine of coffee and breakfast.

My mouth is scorched from eating pizza for dinner the night before. Scorch-mouth makes even the most delicious coffee taste like bile. I drink it anyway! I toss my 2 small bags and coat into the car and head to my friend, Scott’s house. He lives pretty close to the airport. Scott drives me to the airport in my car. I jump out with my coat and luggage. I pre-printed my boarding pass so I don’t even have to check-in!

I get on the plane and try to sleep. I’m unsuccessful for the most part, however I do manage to doze off just long enough to be jolted awake by the gum in my mouth. Fortunately I didn’t a) choke on it or b) wake up with it smeared all over my face and hair.

The plane lands in Newark, NJ and it’s a frigid 68 degrees. No need to wait for my checked baggage.. A nice touch! I step outside and Bonnie pulls up in a matter of minutes. She informs me that she also got about 2 hours of sleep the night before. We communicate in mostly grunts, sighs and shrugs as we make our way into the city in our sleep deprived states. We pull up to Ramya’s apartment building in Manhattan’s Upper West Side. I elect to help Ramya bring our luggage up while Bonnie watches the car. (Parking is out of the question)

Ramya comes out of the building and we load up with luggage, board games, blankets and pillows. I have all these games balanced perfectly on my suitcase and slowly start wheeling it into the lobby. Two women have just finished smoking. One of them helps me pull my ridiculous load up the step while the other one pretty much heckles me. “It’s going to be awful when that scrabble game spills all over the floor.” “It sure is going to be fun to clean up blah blah blah.” The dumb hag’s heckling causes me to speed up my pace, which of course, sends the pile of board games toppling over on the lobby floor. “I knew that was going to happen blah blah blah.” The less haggish of the two women helps me pick up the uno cards and we left the games on the front desk while we lugged the rest into the tiny elevator and up to the 11th floor.

Back down to the car, Bonnie and I head to Queens to find a parking spot. Her friend, Vinnie lives there and there’s usually ample parking. When we arrive, we quickly realize that the ample parking is only there on the weekends. On a Friday, there’s nowhere to park! We finally find a spot after circling for about 30 minutes. We get on the subway and make our way back to Ramya’s apartment. We stop at a mini grocery store to get some coffee (they have a name for this kind of store, but I can’t remember what it is). They were having a special on overripe bananas.. Only 35 cents!

We meet Ramya at a place called city grill for lunch. We are quite ravenous. I ordered a chicken club sandwich. It was pretty decent, except for the hard ass bread, which wasn’t very pleasant against my scorch-mouth!

After lunch, we go back to Ramya’s apartment. I change into my only pair of shorts and pass out for a nap while Bonnie and Ramya go boot shopping. They return without any boots. We chill out and watch a couple episodes of “It’s always sunny in Philadelphia.” Bonnie gets ready to go to the Hayden concert. I put on my shoes and we’re off.

We make it to happy hour at this place called “nice guy eddies.” Thus begins a night of too many beers. After that, we head to Bowery Ballroom for the Hayden concert and we are way early! As soon as we walk in, Hayden is at the bar. I figure I’ll have plenty of opportunities to talk to him, so I don’t bother. After that he disappears... Blast! We’re super early, so we might as well keep drinking!

Finally, Hayden takes the stage and the show is phenomenal. He plays a nice mixture of old and new songs. A great time is had by all. After Hayden is done, Juliana Hatfield is playing. We leave before she goes on. We meet up with Edward at this vegetarian Thai restaurant. On a side note: Bonnie and all of her friends are vegetarian. Edward is vegan (super vegetarian). This is the first of many vegetarian dining experiences.

My pseudo-chicken curry is pretty damn good. I ordered it extra spicy and they didn’t disappoint! Edward heads back to his place and Bonnie and I go off to continue our drunken rampage. After we separate, Bonnie and I start bickering about whether or not Edward is pretentious and/or gay. We stumble into a random bar so Bonnie can use the bathroom. We have more beers. We head for this karaoke place called lemongrass. We order beers and these lesbians start to sing “come to my window” by Melissa Etheridge. It is just about the worst thing either of us have ever heard. We quickly down our drinks and head to the next stop. We find what appears to be a regular sports bar, but they are playing ambiguously gay 80’s music. There are very very few females in there and a bartender with an Irish accent. Bonnie and I determine that it’s a gay sports bar. Who knew?

We have a couple beers here and finally stumble back to Ramya’s apartment. The Edward debate rages on pretty much the whole time. Bonnie and I both like to argue. Especially when drunk.

We made it to Ramya’s in one piece!!! It’s a miracle! I make my bed on the couch and Bonnie jumps in bed with Ramya. Side note: Ramya’s sleep schedule is that of an 80 year old married couple, so she goes to bed at 9:30 and wakes up at 6am!!

To be continued....

4 comments:

Design PR said...

You may want to add to your disclaimer that both Bonnie and I have friends that are gay.

Anonymous said...

Design PR should write a column. He is good. And no, I did not think hub was drunk - just tryin to get you to not worry so much about a sub anal hemorroid or whatever you said it was you were worried about. G5

Anonymous said...

Observations:
1. The cat is jealous of the attention to and time spent on the computer.
2. Cat is investigating the computer to see what is so fascinating about it. If human mother spends that much time with it, maybe it is something good.
G5

SOUL: said...

weis needs a blog-- good stuff.
hi wez-- why do you ignore me so?
well, nevermind.. right now i aint writin much, but gimmee a couple weeks, and don't be hatin.
luv me.