Wednesday, October 21, 2009

My latest nervous breakdown....

I think I may have mentioned this before, but my husband is a horrifically scary driver.

Every time you get in the car with him, after much "white knuckle" action , you feel relieved and lucky to be alive if you've made it to your destination.

Well, THIS is in America. So, trust me, here in England.....OMG, wrong side of the road, freakin' stick shift with the left hand, and steering wheel ...wrong side of the car.

I don't even DO the thrill rides at the theme parks . I'm scared to death on a plain old roller coaster.

Every time my husband drives here, I am really terrified. There are times when I am on the verge of dry heaves. There are (many) times when I slap my hand over my eyes , because I just KNOW that he will never stop in time,before we crash right into that tiny car in front of us. ANDDD they seem to have no speed limit here. He's usually going about 90 miles an hour.

Remember we're on the WRONG side of the road.The road is very skinny. Over on he left side of the car, huge hedges are mere inches away from my face as we speed by.
If I dare to look the other direction, speeding cars are mere inches from hitting us, HEAD ON.

The entire experience...TERRIFYING!

Well, if HIS driving isn't bad enough..... ha! welcome to my NEW nightmare.

Picture it, Whiteley ,Uk. last week.
I'm standing there waiting for my bus, which BTW , is like waiting for a watched pot to boil. Bleh.

The bus finally shows up and it is a mere child driving the bus. A dark haired child with spiked hair. he has the face of an infant. There is a "grown" man in a suit and a neon vest standing behind him.

I think (horrified) "Oh crap, we have a trainee driving the bus."

I was scared to death! The hedges are whizzing by, my heart is beating out of my chest. I mean , that guy WAS standing behind him, but he would probably wreck the damn bus before he could do anything about it.

The next time I take the bus , baby boy drives right by and misses a stop. Suit man says "didn't you see those people?"

So, even though I had just paid him with 20 pounds , he short changed me 5 pounds, by then I was too full of pity for him to say any thing.

I take the bus , maybe one more time and "suit man " was driving , babyboy was sitting on one of the seats, so I figure he got in trouble for missing people , short changing people etc..

OK, so picture it , today ..... I am endlessly waiting for the bus. It is 5 minutes late.

As it nearly whizzes right by me, I'm frantically waving my arm.

I see that the driver is looking down instead of looking at the BUS STOP. He sees me right in the nick of time, comes screeching to a halt opens the door and then...what to my horrified eyes do I see?

Oh SHIT! Baby boy is now driving the bus SOLO.

"Don't be forgetting me." I said .

He said something, which I could not understand.

"They're letting you drive by yourself now? I'm scared!"

He said something , which I could not understand.

Then the terror ensued.

I was probably the only one on the bus that knew that we were being driven by an infant bus driver.

OMG! I was sooo terrified, every turn that he made , I felt as if the bus was going to turn over. Every time he stopped to pick someone up, I was afraid he was going to pull right out in front of someone. Every round about ,my guts were about to come up.

As I watched him while he was, whistling, drumming on the wheel , looking at his papers......I just knew I was at deaths door.

I saw the hedges rush by me, closer than ever, scraping the sides of the bus. It finally reached a point where I thought to myself "Holy crap, if I had balls, they would be shriveled up to my neck by now."

Miraculously, we made it to town and when it came time for MY stop, they had the street all blocked off for construction. He didn't know where to stop. He finally found a place to stop and as I ran off the bus I said "Thank you!"

Really meaning "Thank you for not killing me."

UGH! please pass the nerve pills.


oh , I almost forgot the cats ...

This place is full of spiders....

no matter how microscopic they are...

Cavuto, the great white hunter...he can smell them or something.

He gets up every morning and goes on the hunt for bugs.

Monkey and O'Reilly after her harrowing ordeal today... Cavuto went ape shit on her, after she growled at him for 10 minutes ...for NO reason.

He sat there and looked at her ,growling at him for about 5 minutes, then he talked back...his tail swished and next thing ya know , SHE was trapped behind the file cabinet , screaming like she was being killed.

And last but not least..the actual spoiled ass brats on the British counter.

No one wants to drink "old water" around here.

I can't say as I blame them because the water here really is AWFUL.

Cavuto sits there by the faucet ...just waiting for water to magically appear . And O'reilly covets the water ...but he won't drink out of the faucet...he has to have a fresh glass of water, preferably crystal.

Cat betrays his girlfriend:


SOUL: said...

bettah you-- than me. :))
i despise public transit--- always have - always will.
and yes i too have experienced the foreign country buses.. even the 'jeepnys' in the philipines. fun stuff.
i vote-- stay close to home and walk.

you do realize that today was your mothers birthday?
ugh. she was on my mind all day.
the good , the bad, and the ugly.
happy birthday queen.

hope you had a good day

Nocturnal Queen said...

I'm glad you survived your bus ride. Yikes!

Your cats are so cute.

Love that cat video. Someone posted it at Facebook and I laughed my butt off.

Anonymous said...

Trust in the bus and if hub has an accident, just know it wasn't on purpose. He prolly should apply to NASCAR. Cat vid was awesome! ROFLMAO. Where do you find the neat pics to go with your content. Also awesome. G5

Jamie said...

You poor YOU drive there? I don't think I could ever learn it the european way.

Love your kitties. LOVE them.

Happy Thursday Smocha. Hugs. :)

Wesley said...

That cat video caused all of our animals to freak the hell out! The dog is barking, insano is looking around bewildered.

Good stuff!

Anonymous said...

omg, my mom and I just peed our pants over the husbands lack of driving and the baby bus driver....I will be back cause u crack my shit up.

SOUL: said...

i updated -- your turn HAWG
luv me

Sandy said...

Yeah, I've said for years my husband doesn't drive fast, he flies low. White knuckle for sure.

BPOTW said...

Looks like lots of 'fun' at your house!!