Thursday, July 24, 2008

All little of this ...a little of that....

Hi Y'all ,

Yep, once again I am wayyy behind on posting.
Everything has been either boring or annoying lately.

It has been scorching hot . 110 with the heat index. Then in the afternoons horrendous thunderstorms. The other day I was literally trapped at the grocery store. I stepped outside and waited ,with about 30 other people . Lighting was flashing all over the parking lot.Thunder was booming ,little kids were screaming in fear.And the water was about a foot deep ,up to the doors on some cars..

Safely inside the truck at last.


Monday ,I got to go have my teeth cleaned. You know ...the deep cleaning where they chisel under your gums. The hygienist is this huge 7 foot tall old lady ,about 65 years old. She has a giant booming cackle to go with her persona. I tell her "they usually numb me to do this."

"They usually charge a hundred times more money for it too. You can take it." CACKLE CACKLE CACKLE!

I grip the arms of the chair in terror and make hideous pain faces ,contortions I didn't know my face was capable of making.

She proceeds to scrape the bones out of my face ,while she cackled and cackled.

Then she had to pry my white knuckled fingers off the arms of the chair so I could leave.
She CACKLED the whole time.

No wonder I put this off for the last 3 years!

I have wracked my brain about the possibility of leaving the cats with someone so I could just go to England. The very idea of them forgetting me or missing me, is totally heart breaking. Then , who could I trust anyway? I actually DO have one neighbor that I could trust with them. But then I try out the proposition in my mind.

" Um...hey neighbor, would you like to watch my cats for 5 months?You don't mind cats walking all over your counters and stove, right? Or petting themselves on your cooking utensils?
They're no trouble, really. Cavuto will wake you at 5 or 6 A.M. so you can go turn on the bathtub faucet . He refuses to drink any other way.Then him and Monkey will arrive in the kitchen for their whipped cream. They usually like a little cream in the evening too.It won't be any bother. they'll wait until you're all settled on the couch before Monkey begins her loud ,demanding, bitchy screaming. O'reilly ,why he's no trouble at all don't mind cats jumping on your shoulder every time you bend over or use the toilet, right? He only leaves bloody gashes down your back or arms if he misses the jump and falls .If Cavuto is awake , he demands your constant attention. He is just so happy to be alive ,he likes to share the joy by having you carry him around like a baby.You'll also have to cut his nails. He hates it really ,but after he shreds you to pieces the first few times, it'll be gravy baby.You'll also need to baby proof your blinds every day when you open them ,because Cavuto gets hung in them sometimes. He's also prone to seizures when he is hanging upside down in blind cords. Oh yeah, and O'reilly does have that little vomiting problem. It's not vomit really, more like he just regurgitates chewed up cat food ,it won't even stain your carpet. If it's really vomit , you'll see him walking backwards in circles. He only does that when he chews on things he shouldn't ,like fake plants and pine needles .Oh, he also likes to play fetch around midnight. You'll know when he brings you a bread wrapper and starts flinging it around all over your bed.It's fun really, you'll learn to love it!
They also like to watch their "birdy" movie sometimes ,just set up a barstool for them in front of the t.v. ,you DO have a flat screen right? They prefer a flat screen."

Let's face it. I am so NOT going to England until the cats wait is OVER!

And looks so innocent.
Big huge annoying little pain in the ass.

Yesterday was our anniversary. I'll be going out to dinner Friday night with my friend Eva to celebrate.

Happy anniversary my sexy man!

I love you!

Have a great day in your worlds. Laters me


Brad said...

Sounds like a walk in the park to me. Of course i live with Miss Lilly who's on a one cat mission to rid the world of terrorist feild mice. Of course they need to be brought home into the house for thier exacutions

Happy Aniversary you two!

Anonymous said...

What a dilemma...I wish I could catsit for you. Pooty would get so jealous, she would break out in hives.
Talk about neurotic.
I wish I could come and see you before you go.
Your Man is a Looker...
I am so happy for you.

Design PR said...


Mary said...

Anniversary and Hubby is away. That's a poopie situation but a belated happy anniversary to the two of you.

You do have a tough decision - leave kittys or be lonesome for that handsome hunk. Sorry, but if it were me kittys would be glad to see me when I got home. Not being critical, I do understand how you feel about your babies.

Now about the old CACKLE gal. I would have probably kicked my way out of that chair, cursed at the top of my lungs, and left that office running. She must have had her training in prison. I never heard of doing a root cleaning without numbing the gums. Wonder if she still has to report to her parole officer. (I'm being mean aren't I?)

Golden To Silver Val said...

Wow...what a dilemma you have. I'm glad I don't have such a hard decision to make. Maybe you can split the difference...find someone to watch them for 2.5 you stay half the time here alone and the other half in England.

simonsays said...

Oh Smocha, this made me laugh. If I wasn't already pet-FULL, I would take your kitties. I am about as stupid with my animals as you can get, so the things you desribe come naturally to me. But, already I have too much - too many. Besides, I KNOW you would not survive without them for that long. Funny how we can go without our husbands way longer than without our animals..

Happy Anniversary to you. How many years?

Have a wonderful weekend.


Smocha said...

Hi all,

Brad, I remember the days in good old Washington where my cats could go outside without becoming roadkill. That would be sooo much easier:)

Mental, Thanks. None of the cats have ever been around a dog so they'd probably get more than
And cavuto would probably rip the dogs eyes out.Looks like I'll be here, so get out here and see me!

Mary, yep...we have spoiled the cats soooo rotten. We'd expect anyone else to treat them the way WE do. And that probably just wouldn't happen.
Too bad we never had a baby together. We'd have one great kid. OR maybe a monster to rival Frankenstein. LOL

I had to cackle over what you said about 'cackle gal" I think you nailed it. LOL she would make an excellent prisoner!

great idea:) Now lets see if any of my neighbors step forward and volunteer after reading the description of the cats. :)

Jamie, Thanks. Yes , I know you have your animal hands full:)
Glad you see the humor in being my cats mom. lol
Hubby and I have been together for 10 years.
It IS easier to be away from hubby , in a way , than the cats. I guess because THEY need me more:)

TGIF! Peeps

SOUL: said...

i came yesterday and tried to comment but blogger was hungry-- so i din't get to .

anyhow-- what's the hold=up on the cats? why six months? that seems excessive. i thought they were already microchipped etc-- what do they need... kitty passports??? :))

they do have a lot of quirks-- but they're cool quirks-- unfortunately-- only ones that a mother could could love. much like my animules. just somethin about old peoples pets. too much like kids, with full reign on the house i guess. spoiled spoiled spoiled.
and like a kid-- hard to trust anyone else with em .

i'm worried about leaving eevee in the kennel for our trip. i have no idea how she will do. when she gets nervous here -- overly nervous-- she attacks sushi-- ans she likes her-- what if she attacks a dog at the kennel--on a potty break? we could get sued-- or called home to get her. that would kinda suck- dontcha think.

anyhow-- hapy satahday sis-