Friday, March 6, 2009

Beauty is in the pants of the beholder.....

......and that just ain't right.

Years ago, I would be putting my makeup on and notice a few hairs hanging out of my nose. "Oh my Lord, you hideous beast!”

I would break out the tweezers and yank out the offending hairs. Yesterday, I realized that it has been years since I have pulled any hairs out of my nose. Upon closer inspection it dawned on me that the hairs haven't gone anywhere. My eyesight is just too bad to see them now.

Could the fact that I’ve been going around with a hairy nose for 5 years be the reason why the men that hit on me now ,are old enough to have cataracts?

Hairy nose or not, I find it shocking that some 70 year old man would have the nerve to think a woman of my age would be one bit interested in HIM.I have 2 friends in their 70's . I set both of them up on a senior dating site to look for a "male friend" .Repeatedly ,we see that these old geezers are looking for women who are 30 years younger than they are. This leaves WHAT for my geriatric friends? One hundred year old men? Do any of you even know a hundred year old man? If so, let me know. I can hook him up :)

It's not just the old guys; it’s the hideous dogs too. Why do these hideous men seem to think they deserve a woman who looks like a model?

At my old Real Estate office we have what I call the "office pig" ,the gross guy who blatantly hits on everyone. Every office has one and he is usually married .And doesn't care if YOU are married.

This one, we call Shrek because yes, he is THAT handsome. Every week, he strolls into Eva’s office and flat out asks her if she will have sex with him. Where do they get the gall?

At my last office in Chicago land, same thing. This one's name was Chuck. Our office pig. He was married and flirted constantly with me and I have no idea who else. Someone reported him for sexual harassment. He actually called me into his office one day and asked me if I did it. I didn't.

I told him "I have been ignoring men like you since I was 11 years old. I didn't do it. But I'd hate to be your wife." I actually think it was a man that reported him. A former preacher, who got sick of his sickening behavior. He was fired and good riddance, you pig.

The one before that was at a restaurant where I worked in Florida. He was a cook. He offered to pay me $300.00 to have sex with him. "Um, NO!"

Then he became my stalker. Calling my house at midnight, following me etc. I wound up calling the cops on him several times. That didn't even slow him down. He didn't care. I wound up quitting the job.

If you are one of these men. Do us all a favor and stop embarrassing yourself.

Somebody please, hold me back.I think I just spotted my dream man!Does he look a little like Brad Pitt to you?

Wait, maybe I better put my glasses on.

Woops. Never mind , false alarm:)

Have a great day ya'll.


desert dirt diva said...

That was too good, you have hairs in your nose, i think i better go check my hairs i'm good,lol..Am I finally first:)

Mary said...

Did I ever mention that, when I was 20, I married a confirmed bachelor 20 years older than me? Did I ever mention that when I was 40 the old coot traded me in for a girl of 21? Old geasers should be taken out and shot. Although his trading me in was a REAL good thing. After the first 6 months my ego healed and life was good.

Anonymous said...

I'm going to make sure and tell Grandma not to go and Play BINGO tonight. Those old S**S, LOL

BPOTW said...

Oh my gosh you're right! There are those weirdos everywhere! That braided nose hair really grossed me out :)

Thanks for sharing with Best Posts!

starsimplified said...

Lordy! This whole post just cracked me up! I'll never get that nose hair image out of my head now!

Thanks for the laugh! You made my day!

Dawn - She is Too Fond of Books said...

Oh my gosh! Whenever I scrolled down and saw the braided "nose hair" ... photoshop is a wonderful thing!

I'm here from BPOTW.

Anonymous said...

When I was in Switzerland I bought a little battery operating thingy with little rotary blades that removes nose hair and ear hair. Smocha, you are about 10 years away from ear hair, so get ready for that. Buy a thingy.
You need to write a book. One chapter will be: The Pigs in My Life. G5
PS As they say - most women's brains are between their ears. Most men's brains are between their legs.

bettyl said...

Goodness! Traditional things are something of the past, aren't they! I'm sure there are some great guys out there, I just don't know where to tell you to look!