Thursday, March 25, 2010

Boy mom

My computer has been on the blink for days. Gah! If my spouse didn't have all the cords anally wired together ,I may have thrown the damn thing out the window by now.

My outgoing mail still won't send. Hubby is in Spain if you think I'm ignoring you, I'm not :)


My children are gearing up for their annual trip to the Florida Keys.

Naturally that has me gearing up for “extra worry” mode.

One time after my 3rd son was born I asked my eldest “How come we don’t have any girl babies?”
With no hesitation he replied “ Cuz you’re a BOY mom.”

That I am .One thing for sure, life as a boy mom is never dull.

(This is taken from an old post from 2007)
Life with all boys:

Shovels will split heads open. No matter who happens to be looking out the window while a boy hits his brother in the head with a shovel..

Meat cleavers will, simultaneously chop off the tips of 4 or more fingers. And yes..It will hurt when they blow up all 4 fingers like sausages in order to stitch them. And yes …mom should hold said boys hand …but close your eyes very tightly …and don’t look while fingers are being inflated like sausages or while all 4 fingers are being stitched right through fingernails. (Unless you like to faint)

Boys falling 20 feet down a flight of concrete stairs will always land right on the top of their head, resulting in a skull fracture and an epidural hematoma and (emergency brain surgery & craniotomy) (or worse)

Boys jet skiing in the ocean will result in a wave immediately crashing into Jet Ski…causing Jet ski to crash right into kids face, splitting face wide open.

A 13 year old dumb ass with a can of hairspray and a lighter CAN and WILL blow up the backyard, set the trampoline on fire and cause the entire family to hide behind the couch in the dark, while fire trucks and ambulances screech through the neighborhood looking for an exploded bomb. And /or the pyromaniac responsible for making them leave their warm dinner for some dumb ass playing with hairspray and a lighter.

A 5 year old boy , not allowed to play with fire can and will set a green tree on fire with a pair of broken glasses and the power of the sun. And you thought cave men invented it.
Cave BOY did. Accidentally, of course ..and he blamed his brothers.

The kid, who gets car sick EVERY time he gets in the car, will also be the kid who constantly gets spontaneous bloody noses.

If the once in a lifetime chance comes along for your kids to go to camp for 9 days, one will have to have his tonsils out. He’ll miss camp, stay home, watch Ninja Turtle videos until you are ready to poke your eyes out. He’ll refuse to eat anything, even ice-cream, so you can spend many nights in the emergency room re-hydrating him with I.V.s.

If a 3 year old decides to put jumper cables on his wee wee , while in the back seat of the car. It WILL hurt and he WILL scream until you can find a safe location to pull over and remove the jumper cables.

If a 5 year old boy puts a snapping turtle near his bare stomach, the turtle WILL bite and become attached to child’s stomach.

It is not very easy to get a snapping turtle to open its mouth against its will. Getting the turtle to let go of the kids stomach is sort of like getting a pit bull to let go of a live chicken.

If a 4 year old boy yells and cries “I’m awewgic to hawt dawgs” It really means “as soon as I take a bite of this hot dog I will vomit all over my plate”

If you come home from work and catch your 15 year old son in the shower with his girlfriend, remember “They weren’t doing anything”

They were just in there like a couple of Cherubs, taking a shower.

If your teenage son jumps over a drum set, while on stage in front of the entire school, he WILL land right on his face and break out his front tooth at the root. The new tooth will cost $3,000.00
Naturally this will be the kid who just had the $3,000.00 braces on his teeth.
The next year, the same tooth will be broken out by a kids head in a mosh pit at Ozfest. This time you will make him pay for his own damn tooth.

If you are on a cross country road trip and a child grips his head in agony and begins writhing around on the seat like a worm in hot ashes, it probably means that his eardrum has just spontaneously burst. Take the nearest exit with a blue “hospital” sign and wind up in ghetto hospital emergency room. Don’t worry; the armed guards will protect you.

Naturally this will be the same kid with the car sick/bloody nose issues.

My awesome boys :I love you guys!

(Nothing says trashy errr....I mean classy like having your couch covered with a big ole curtain. Do not buy a freezing cold leather couch in England.Ignore that .You never saw that)

Now if only I could make him clean out his own cat box and do laundry.


Have a great day Peeps!

I will catch up soon on all the blogs and mail (I hope)


Mary said...

I am a BOY mom, too, and can identify with everything in your post. Our "really biggie" was when the boys decided to build a tree platform on the edge of a swamp. One dropped a hatchet from about 20 feet up and it hit another on top of the head. They had an Army surplus first aid kit with them. Kid climbed down and sewed up the damage caused by the hatchet. Result: Infection, big time $$$, and other sundry complications.

NOTE: Most women survive being a BOY mom but not without developing a couple of "ticks" along the way.

Enjoyed the videos. Excuse my posting in your box -

SOUL said...

OMG -- this is THE best video you have EVER produced ! i loved every second of it-- and the song too. of course. so many of these shots-- believe it or not, i remember being there with- for.

i loved the post-- i sort of remember seein it the first time-- but you couldn't have chosen a better one to re-post. as for timing? it just came to me-- this is a perfect- mothers' day post. a tribute to your most awesome boys. and awesome they are. each one of them, in their own unique way. i have been thinking of them so often lately, and i miss all of you. i hope to , and can't wait to see y'all this summer-- i hope all of that works out as planed- well, sort of planned -- we need to get it down solid soon.

they age me, in fact just last night i realized that wes will be 30 this year. good lawd. i was just a pup when he came along-- and in the earlier shots of him in the video- i remembered-- i was his temporary mamma, and also telling kids at school that he was MINE. hmmmm. thank God i was there tho-- gran gran -- oh man. that poor baby wouldn't have made it out alive if he were to solely depend on her. -- remember i had to get out of school on a hardship-- to take care of him?

anyhow-- sorry for bloggin in your box-- i'm hijackin the video-- just so ya know-
great job-
and you did a fantastic job with these boys--- no one else on this planet coulda done what you did under the circumstances to make them the wonderful young men that they are today.

i love you-- and i love them.

ps-- gimmee a tissue (sniff)

and catch up on my blog dammit) :))

midwesttomidlands said...

You should be proud. So many accidents that you all survived. It was hard to read ( thinking of the pain) but also amazing you all made it through and it sounds like in a good way. Having your computer on the blink then is just a small glitch:)Take care!

Wesley said...

Nice post ma. Love you too!
A shame you can't go to the keys. You can Kim can share a pity pot.

desert dirt diva said...

soul could not have said it better....I too remebers things these wonderful boys have done...and yes they all have have grown into fine young men!Pat yourself on the back deserve to. jumper cables on the pee-pee...priceless....and wes is gonna be 30? shocking! ..I love ya call me...

desert dirt diva said...

ok so i can`t see the video..and i went to see if i could see it there noooooo it will not let me..can you post the link also so i can click on it ...please or send me the youtube link...

Anonymous said...

I can still remember when Wes was born .... I was thirty. I told my co-workers, when I was growing up all my great aunts were OLD. I didn't feel old! But, Mother was right at 40 when I was born. So, her siblings WERE old when I was growing up! aj

Blissed-Out Grandma said...

Wow, you went through a lot of boy drama! Clearly, my four brothers just never tried hard enough! One broken arm, some chicken pox...very mundane!