Sunday, January 17, 2010


Hey ya'll, I KNOW....long time no see.

I apologize.

feng shui is totally fungked Up!

Example 1 : I loathe stuff being out on the counter.

Here, there’s no place else to put it.

Further fungking up my life.....for the last several days is my hated, little tiny, ludicrous electric fireplace.

Originally, repulsively the original walls.

The other day, I bought some paint which "resembled" the kitchen paint.

Supposedly "cookie dough"

Little did I know that the crap was OIL based paint until it was TOO late.

Being the "trooper" that I am, I kept calm and carried on, after about 5 coats of looked like a disgusting glob of silly putty!

Not to mention that it also RUINED my paint brush, my mini roller and my mini paint tray.

I tried to salvage it with nail polish remover.

Make a note: Nail polish remover does not dissolve oil based paint.

My spouse arrived home Thursday night. He cut his trip short so I "wouldn't be left alone so long."

(He had been gone since Sunday) hold that thought....for later.

I spent some time, online looking at "virtual" paint jobs. I finally decided that the God awful, ugly ass thing should be all the trim and wood work.

We ventured out, got some white paint and replaced my destroyed equipment.

About 7,000 coats of paint later.........

Nearly there….

I did YET another coat this morning, but NOW the tape has been there so long I will need a jigsaw or a really sexy carpenter to get it off.

Also, see the ugly, dented gold surround? I planned to paint THAT matt black.

My husband was sceptical. What do you think about the gold?

Gold OR matt black?

I think it is dented, and it makes the whole damn thing look even chintzier than it is.

Ok...on to the REST of our weekend.....

My husband ,bless his heart, came home early..."so I wouldn't suffer ,being alone "

(what with me, not knowing anyone, about to run out of medicine and having been snowed in for 2 weeks)

LOL, he probably really was just afraid that he'd come home and I'd be dead or something.

So there we are, the sweet lil darling has come home. We grocery shop, I repeatedly paint the effin fireplace, we’re together.......but for some reason ...lover boy is grouchy as HELL!

(Travelling all week, worried about "man shit" ,work and post Leave it to Beaver Christmas syndrome)

Practically every time I spoke , I was irritating beyond belief! At one point, I put the roll of duct tape on my end table while we were watching a movie. (So I could tape my own yap shut!)

Excuse me, but I'm a movie talker.

I never did tape my own mouth shut. But it was tempting.

And if we weren't grouchy enough.

" Dear Dic*wad, As*wipe or Skanky B*tch,

I can't thank you enough for letting your (from the forensic evidence) medium sized dog ,crap RIGHT in front of our gate , not once, BUT 3 F'n times. You are the epitome of class.

You are the poster child of a responsible dog owner.

When my (already grouchy) husband (finally) stepped in your dog crap, Oh I longed to meet you.

Let me share the joyous experience WITH you (perhaps we'll reminisce about it someday, if I ever catch your lazy ass)

Picture it...Sunday...the second whole day I would even see my spouse.

We get in the car to go on our big outing for the week. He is going to work, to do his travel expense’s, I am being dropped off in town for ONE hour, to speed shop. (It's Sunday, everything closes by 4)

We get in the car; the snow is all melted there's no problem there. When we go somewhere, I have to stand outside while he backs the car out of it’s minuscule space ,then I open my door and get in.

Usually I get a nice cloud of diesel fuel ,right in the face, before I get in the car.

Well, I'm already "nasally defected" so we take off and he says “Do you smell that?"

"Smell what?"

"I don't know, it kind of smells like manure."

"I still smell diesel, sorry. can’t help you"

We get home and ...low and behold ....he discovers that he has stepped in yer freakin' dog crap.

Oh, the joy! I was wearing brand new shoes. (Thank God it wasn't ME!)

I enter the house bring my bags into the kitchen and then my dahlink tells me that he has stepped in your frekin dog crap.

Trying to be polite, I get the little OLD toothbrush out from under the sink. My spouse goes all berserk grouch on my ass and says “Quit treating me like I'm helpless!"

I throw toothbrush back under cabinet.

HE is in a boiling rage as he has to clean your damn dogs crap off, not only his shoe, but also the cars floor mat.

Thank you lazy ass dog owner for putting the final FAIL on our weekend.

AFTER my husband spent all that time cleaning his shoe and THEN the floor mat, and I disinfected our sink TWICE, OH.... how I wanted to meet YOU.

When my husband had to then cut up boxes for poop scoops ,and go clean up your dog shit.....becoming madder and grouchier ....oh I was getting grouchier too Honey.

If I knew who you were at that moment, I would have brought your dog shit to your door and smeared it all OVER said door!

I was raised by the woman who once picked dog crap up with her bare hands, stuffed in IN offending dogs mouth and then threw the dog outside.

I've got my eye out for you beotch!

God help you, if I ever catch you.

Smelly regards,

Queen Earlene's finest


Anonymous said...

WTH is this Echo crap??? Am I in the twilight zone???

me said...

i see NO photos

aj said...

Man! My! Gush

Mary said...

Nothing can ruin the day like dog sh*t!! A screwed up paint job comes in with a close second. Take a deep breath, count to ten, and scream as loud as you can. There. Feel better? It would make me feel much better if I was in your shoes.

The kitties ARE lovely.

G5 said...

What is this new format? I do not like it. One bit. Fireplace in white looks great - good job! Had to click on each pic. Don't like that either, tho I am a bit lazy. Go gold. G5

Smocha said...

I have no idea what is going on here. I think I got rid of that weird format, but I don't have time yet to fix the missing pictures. Apparently if you click on the blank space they will show up. gah!

Happy Tuesday peeps!

me said...

hmmm... whoda thunk to click on the invisible pix? it works :))
the fireplace looks good-- justa little gooey, that's all.
love the skatzi pic :))

have a happy day in your world .

- remember my hot-dog bed? , -- that's my world lately--
luv me

Wesley said...

"I was raised by the woman who once picked dog crap up with her bare hands, stuffed in IN offending dogs mouth and then threw the dog outside."

BAHAHAHA!! Great mental picture.

myomyohi said...

Sounds like a weekend to envy (not). I like the fireplace white, I vote for matte black, and I would keep an eye open for the dog to return. They like to use the same area, so it will be back. Then I would watch and see where it returns to... I have little patience for inconsiderate people. And I agree with Wes.

Anonymous said...

I agree with myomyohi ! aj

Phil said...

Haha your painting troubles are hilarious. We just painted some of our rooms. Luckily tho we only had a couple of dramas and nothing to overwhelming.

Golden To Silver Val said...

I like the white the best and I think the gold looks good but from the picture I can't see any dents. If you do paint it black, a matte black would look the best. Woman! You amaze me with all this energy. Wanna come do mine?
And I wonder if a relative of the dogcrap person lives by me. Every day I have to pick up fast food wrappings from around my driveway where it's obviously been tossed from a moving vehicle. I HATE people who do this kind of stuff. I wish it all to come back on them FOREVER.
If I were you, I'd try my damnedest to discover the idiot who is leaving dog poo in front of your place. I would embarrass them so badly that they would have to move. You go, girl. get 'em. Its just plain disgusting for anyone to do that....and its not like they can say..."oh gee, I never noticed that my dog was bent over and spent a minute or more taking a crap while I had to wait".

logancornyjoe said...

hey scrawn O" send me some damn pics of your skinny ass//// whats up, you still eating? love logna