Sunday, January 3, 2010

Dear so and so


This is my first "Dear so and so" post , the idea comes from Kat over at :




http://3bedroombungalow.blogspot.com/2010/01/dear-so-and-sonew-years-edition.html




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Dear world,

Years ago when I was really bored I told my husband "I'm gonna teach Cavuto to shake hands."

Yeah right. That didn't happen. He was young, wild and stupid. (The cat, not the husband )

Well guess what ? I have done it! I have taught my cat to shake hands!

Check it out :)


Sincerely, Crazy cat lady



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Dear England,



I've been here for months now and I've been trying to stay all "upbeat " and shit ...but umm ,I'm afraid I do have a few gripes that I can no longer ignore , what are you gonna do, take away all my British friends? BWA HA HA!!! Yeah. That's what I thought you would say. Nothing!



I'm free to speak then. I have a problem with your "no dryer" policy. I have played along, I have gotten used to wearing stiff scratchy clothes, preserving clean clothes, wearing the same jeans for days, the two day drying time.....but I'm having a real problem with the sock situation. In America, my sweet ass dryer shrinks up my socks to sort of "fit my feet”, but here....NOOO. Not only do I have to wear rubber rain boots, the likes of which I have not owned since I was 5, but I have to wear them with floppy, stiff, baggy socks that feel as if I scraped the dirty socks off some homeless guy! Can’t you even make a sock dryer?



How about my bras? What's up with that shit? Do you know what your 3 hour wash and spin cycle has done to my bras? Oh....well, I'm sure you don't care ...but I'm gonna tell you! Since you have made it impossible for me to drive here, with your wrong side of the road, wrong side of the car, stick shift diesel crap, then surely you knew that I would literally have to walk my ass off. Don't deny it. Now, not only are the few bras that I own. 20 pounds too big for me, but your stinkin' 2 hour spin cycle has stretched them out so they could only fit a circus fat lady!




And what about this heat situation? The technology is OUT there. WHY do you resist it? They have these things called blowers or something; they actually spread the warmth all through the house. That is what central heat really means. Having a radiator in a few rooms, that are still freezing cold, is NOT central heat.




There's more but I don't want to hurt your feelings.



P.S. I like the chips.




Cordially , Mrs. Saggy Bra



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Dear Mr. Landlord,



Thank you for giving me permission to paint your lovely rental. The splotchy, hideous walls you left us were bringing me down ,making me feel like I was living in the ghetto.









I appreciate that you tried to paint over the dirty spots but next time , try doing it with a matching paint.














I am painting the place a lovely neutral color called "cookie dough" I am happy to do it because I have to look at it every day.

However, should you find it in your heart to reimburse us for the paint, that would be just lovely.



By the way, the carpet is equally hideous. Should you ever decide to have it cleaned that would be brilliant.



Regards, Your tenant
,Mrs. Workaholic



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Tomorrow will be a "comment to comments " extravaganza!


Happy Monday guys!


Luv me

11 comments:

Vicki said...

hot damn yea me and my thumbs are first!

I believe this is the funniest post I have read in awhile..Mrs.Saggy bra...frigging priceless!

I do the the color of the paint...cookie dough huh...I might just have to go get me some!

Love ya
Me

Anonymous said...

Very cute and I, too, like the paint color! Was your bras in the bath tub with you. I don't know about there, but here they are so expensive I wash mine in cold water, delicate cycle and hang to dry. Mine aren't stiff but how would a hair conditioner rinse do? aj

A Brit in Tennessee said...

Despite being raised with all those shortcomings, I so agree with you on all points !
You see it's all about stiff upper lip and all that, we usually find it "soft" to be so pampered or "life made easy".
I think the British pride theirselves with enduring the rough road, it's what has given them their strength these last one thousand years.
Now.....chips, there's something you just can't find fault with, they do "chips" to perfection ;)
I'm still laughing my frock off at the bra and sock lines ;0
Jo

Ian said...

Your cat is a genious

lisa said...

Love the cat video. Don't get too down. I will try to hook u up with some expats in the area. :)

Anonymous said...

Great job with Cavuto. Cats are smarter than dogs. They know if they show you they can do the trick they will have to do the trick the rest of their lives. So, cats act like they can't learn. Here's whatcha do: Wash the bra in the sink with Woolite. Wring gently. Place in a large paper bag with many holes pierced in the bottom. Using a rubber band, attach a hair dryer to the mouth of the bag, or tie tightly with a string. Turn hair dryer on low. Walk away until dried. Do the same with socks. Voila! You have a bra and sock dryer. Compact, yet effective. You are welcome. G5

audrod777 said...

Hey! good thing I wasnt drinking something when I read your saggy bra comment. Then I would have been mad cauze my blankets would have been wet too! Im enjoying your blog in my warm room. Its flippin freezing here!
Cavotos video has proved that you are completly off your rocker, one sandwich shy of a picnic .lol. just kidding. I agree, Brilliant! But the whole paper bag dryer is absolutly PRICELESS! Um dont tell cavuto that the paint is Cookie Dough, he may try to eat it. Love ya!

Vanessa Rogers said...

Since you have been able to teach your cat to shake, maybe your next step should be to teach him to use the toilet. Have you ever seen that video? It is remarkable- and a little bizzare. But the shaking paws is very impressive non-the-less!

Tina... said...

okay first, send your bras to me, i'm a big girl and second what? they don't have clothes dryers? you gotta really love a man to move someplace where they have no clothes dryers.
i would be all, 'dude, i love you, you're great naked, but I'll see you when you get back to the states. holla.'

Nocturnal Queen said...

Love the video. So cute! :-)

The New Mrs. C said...

I find that I have use extra fabric softener whenever I wash my clothes, and I think I've FINALLY gotten it to where I don't feel like I'm wearing sandpaper all the time.

The cold doesn't help with air drying time either.

But, your posts constantly make me chuckle, so thank you!!