Friday, August 6, 2010

The fall fashions are in!

It's that time of year again....................

Last night, sitting in the office, browsing the internet :

Hubby : "Why are you looking at clothes ?"

Me , astounded that he had to ask : "The Fall clothes in England have come out !"

Hubby : "So?"

Me: "I have to take any clothes I want to wear, with me. I'm not wearing that shit!"

Disclaimer: No offense is meant to any one British or the country of England by this post.If you do not have a sense of humor about ugly fashion then you may not want to read any further.

For your viewing pleasure, presenting England's Fall fashion line up.

First up we have the squirrel shirt and the pleated plaid hot pants. Do not forget to wear your tights underneath.

You can give up all your bathroom breaks in these jazzy new Harem pants. These babies will hide your Depends all day LONG.

The stylish new Edith Bunker frock. Nothing screams "sack of potatoes" like this retro floral print. This would be equally stylish with your favorite leggings or pasty white panty hose.

Another retro vibe here. The pastel mint cropped top and the bold patterned leggings. This little number will accentuate your camel toe like nobodies business.

The perfect accessory for any outfit. The head band with a mini top hat.You'll feel just like Alice in Wonderland.

Nothing helps with the climb up the corporate ladder like a pair of red, faux suede hooker shoes. Just watch out for those cobblestones on the commute to work.

This darling skintight top is sure to get the heads turning in your direction.

This sweet ensemble says "I feel like I'm in my pajamas" while it looks ...well just like you ARE in your pajamas. The ankle hugging heels really set it apart. Show off those cankles baby!

You'll feel just like you're on an episode of "The Golden Girls" when you step out in these shiny vinyl Blanche Deveraux pumps.

The diaper hiders errr Harem pants also come in lovely prints.
Remember ,the bigger the print the better.

Unleash your crazy cat lady in this eye popping pussy top.
Knickers are optional since this is tunic length.

Tip: order one size smaller to show off your muffin top to it's full potential.

Is having no screens on your windows driving you buggy?

When people spot you in this adorable flying pest bib they'll be grabbing the raid or the fly swatter.

Nothing will highlight your "mom gut" like this precious cropped uh..bird top.

Tip: wear it with your favorite jeggings.

Even the dress is crying.

Simply a must have for your fall wardrobe.

Just imagine the heads falling off when you strut into the office in our new "onion bag" dress. Dress it up for the office with your highest hooker shoes or dress it down with combat boots for a day of shopping or lunch with the girls.

Tip: you would never want knickers to spoil the look of this dress.

If that was a little too conservative for you...fear not tramp, the "onion bag" dress also comes in the sleeveless version.

Are you sick of suffering from penis envy?

Your troubles are over! With these sporty new pants everyone will think you are packing your very own boner.

This fresh top would be adorable with the "penis pants"
remember ladies ,the tighter the better.

The bold stripes....the huge bow? Need I say more?

These quaint little shoes will make them think twice. Is she really a virginal slut? or is it just the shoes?

Tip: Clothing is totally optional with these.Maybe just a headband with a little top hat.

If your everyday sexiness has you feeling tired of all the attention,take a day off and wear this little school marm cardigan.

You'll feel like a girl again in this body skimming Barbie top.
Equally fashionable with leggings,jeggings or stirrup tights.

Grandmas tablecloth from the war has been given a new lease on life !

Bombs err I mean jaws will drop when they see you in this vintage looking cutie.

If this doesn't show your fashion sense nothing will!
Also comes in maternity sizes. We all know baby bumps are sexay.

Just in case you remembered that Fall in England is freezing you may want one of these .

This stunning fall coat with it's buffalo checks will have you rushing for the nearest pub so you can remove it.

Tip: don't hide the sexy.You've worked too hard to show it off.

If you are moving to the UK, PLEASE take a very large suitcase of wearable clothing with you.
You won't regret it. Trust me.


Anonymous said...

Speaking of Blance, have you watched 'Hot in Cinn' wednesday 9p tv land. 930palso, same show. very cute...

Stefania said...

LLLLMMMAAAOOO.... cause I'm sure those fashions are totally real! HAHAAAA!

Wesley said...

Great commentary Ma. I'll take 2 of each.

Golden To Silver Val said...

This post is hilarious and good enough to be published in a magazine! Please tell me these items are not actually WORN!!! Who in the hell designs this shit? A misogynistic misanthrope for sure. They need to be flogged. LOLOLOLOLOL

Anonymous said...

Hmm - Women. She says she is taking a bunch of clothes over because she wont wear that crap they sell for clothes - yet she spends time looking at British clothes on the internet. ? What am I missing here? Gahhhh!!! Those clothes are crap. Cannot believe anyone would spend good money on that stuff. I wouldn't wear it even on Halloween. G5

Anonymous said...

"I I'm gonna run out & buy a pair of those pamper hidin MC Hammer Genie pants before they're all gone...HELLO LMAO! :D (Read yer blog & if I had money I would pay to read yer blog)"

Anonymous said...

What do women 50 and over wear? Bad enough for young people to wear them! Buy all black and white clothes to mix and match plus slimming. aj

desert dirt diva said...

ok so I am at the library(which i should have done months ago) reading your blog..laughing my butt off.........surpised i don"t get thrown out... gotta go session is almost over... but my whichbag .....this is priceless!

Blissed-Out Grandma said...

Oh, I love these! If I were young and thin, I'd be in love with the pleated plaid hot pants. Seriously, your commentary made me laugh out loud, more than once.