Picture it, yesterday, here in
I wanted to take the boat out and my friend Cougerella wanted to join me. However, she didn’t have a babysitter for her 6 and 8 year olds. After much thought, we figured that my neighbor, Nosey may have some little kid life jackets we could borrow and we’d just take the kids with us.
She did have some and we did borrow them. As soon as I backed out of the lift, the lift popped back up. It wasn’t down all the way. Damn it!
I have to call Nosey and say “It’s me again; you’re needy, needy friend. Can you please go lower my boat lift?”
We head out to the open water (due to the shitty anchor situation) and find a spot to park. No sooner is the boat turned off when kid B says “I have to go poo.” We actually have a bathroom on the boat but no one is allowed to use it. We have to go have that thing pumped out if it gets used. Mom tells her “try and hold it for a while honey. “
We get 4 rafts all tied to the back of the boat, get all of us into the water and holy crap, it’s like the ocean out there, the water is so rough. Not only are we all being sloshed around like corks, so is the boat. Just a few minutes of that, the boat is heading too close to the shoreline. All 4 of us have to climb back out, drag all the rafts back in, while trying to balance, as the boat is sloshing violently up and down. I move the boat back out to open water. Shake, rinse and repeat entire process.
Kid B says she “can’t hold it any more.” Hmmm…what to do? “Oh I know, you could put bags in the toilet and let her go in a bag. “
Turns out, the poor kid had been holding diarrhea all this time. We now have a nice smelly bag of diarrhea on board.
The boat keeps drifting where it shouldn’t. Water is sloshing right in our faces. Out of desperation, I finally move closer to a cove, throw out both of our shitty anchors and pray that one gets caught on something. We get all 4 of us and all 4 rafts back in the water, and watch as the boat gets closer and closer to the shore line (again). Ack!
Just when I think I’m gonna go apeshit if I have to move the boat ONE more time, the anchors start holding. Whoa! It’s a miracle. It actually holds for the next few hours.
We have a good ole time .Once we get ready to head back; we try to pull the anchors up.
No such luck. One of them is good and snagged. (The first time that ever happened, I actually cut the rope and left the anchor behind) My spouse said “Why didn’t you try moving the boat?” Duh.
Remembering his words of wisdom, that’s what I did. I tried moving the boat to free the anchor. Well, we knew this had failed when Cougerella was left pulling up an empty rope. The anchor stayed right where it was, as the rope snapped right off of it.
Goodbye, lame anchor. Well, that was nothing compared to what was coming next.
We get back to my dock and I see that my awesome neighbors have in fact, lowered the lift for me. (Thanks, G5 and Nosey!)
I pull up onto the lift and realize that I’m not quite far enough forward. I give the boat a little gas and wham! It goes TOO far forward. The prop has hit some part of the lift and the motor dies. The boat won’t start if the prop is touching anything. Cougerella and I get out and try to pull the boat backwards with ropes. Nope it will not budge.
I have her get in the water behind the boat to watch, while I try moving the trim. That doesn’t help. She gets on the swim platform and I see that she is bleeding like a stuck pig. Blood is running in streams down her legs. No she wasn’t caught in the prop, she got her damn period.
I get out and raise the lift while she rinses blood off the back of the boat. With the lift raised, we can see that the prop and the motor are straddling a steel beam (part of the frame of the lift)
Naturally, it’s time to beg my neighbors for help (once again)
Cougerella, cleans her bloody self up and goes to fetch G5. Pretty soon, we have the 2 of us, G5, Nosey,
(Thanks all of you for trying to help!)
(Insert huge bawling, mental panic attack, which I held inside, thank you)
This morning I have contacted the lift people AND the boat people. I have not heard back from any one .Nor have I informed my spouse of this little dilemma (yet).
My panic continues to grow by the minute. The boat is sitting there stuck, God only knows what this is going to cost to fix and the bag of diarrhea was no where to be found.
I am waiting for my husband to get the news right now. If no one ever hears from me again, he probably killed me.
It's the curse, it must be.