Know what I did today?
Absolutely NOTHING. I did take a bath and wash my hair, but then I didn't even bother to comb my wet hair, nor did I apply makeup. My spouse was home until 10; 30 this morning, by the time he left ,my productive time was already gone. I'm a morning person and after that I'm a hyperactive vegetable.
Some people (whom I won't name) don't believe in clinical depression, but as someone who has had it since 1994, I know when MY clinical depression gets worse.
Is it environmental? Could it be worsening because I have to go out there and walk in the freezing ass, cold WIND, which I DESPISE with every fibre of my being? Hell yes.
Could it be because I have not had a "live" conversation with a human being, besides my husband, since SEPTEMBER? Hell yes.
Could it be that I have realized that he is only here about 2 or 3 days a week, and said conversations last maybe 5 minutes TOTAL, per day? Hell yes.
Do I want to have to walk to the damn doctor to increase my dosage of antidepressants? Uh…..no, not really. Do I feel like I am accomplishing NOTHING? Hell yes. Do I feel fat, brown haired and hideous? Hell yes.
Do I hate the military time? The no dryer? no garbage disposal? No normal water faucets? No double sinks? No car? The dinky effin house? The no closets? the cluttered messy space? The Christmas tree box ...STILL in my living room? My faded, worn out, baggy clothes? My uncut hair? Toilets that keep the smudge of crap, CONSTANTLY? People who won't even smile back? The expensive cigarettes? The no BIG bottles of booze? Our crappy ,dirty carpet? Our crappy suburban, unreliable bus service? Closeted neighbors? Our shitty non-organizational or meet up worthy area? No friends? No restaurants? No sun? No warmth? No fun?
Um...yeah, I am loathe to say it, but I hate ALL that shit.
I have tried to like you
Sorry, but so far....
I can't wait to get out of this primative hell hole.
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Next day : Just to clarify ,I wasn't implying that my spouse is ignoring me or anything. But It's no secret that my husband is a workaholic. When he's home is is exhausted from traveling all week. He wants to lay around and watch his boring "man shows" and recover.And it's not like I'm sitting around whining about how miserable I am.Nor are the two of us sitting around cackling like a couple of girlfriends.
Sometimes ya just need to get yer rant on. LOL
Purge the shit. So, I feel better now that I spewed all that out.
I shall be back to answer ya'lls comments. It's chore time. Woo hoo!
