Why old people shouldn't make crank calls....

Ola peeps,


Yesterday morning I wake up at the crack of dawn,knowing that I have to clean the boat .I had told Eva to get here "early" . Apparently I should have been more specific. I sit here becoming more and more frazzled. She finally calls me at 9 and says "she just got up." AHHHHH!



"I'm going to have to go start without you. " She has no idea what a hot sweaty job it is. The sweat literally pooling in your eye sockets. So I head on out there and I'm already feeling overwhelmed because I'm all alone. Then I try to turn on my cleaning music. Nothing. The stereo on the boat would not make a sound. Crap! I started the boat twice ,just to make sure the battery wasn't dead. Nope. I nearly started bawling. I start cleaning in silence,fighting tears, and about 2 hours into the job my helper finally arrives. (she lives out in the sticks)



We finish the boat and then head back to my house to get ready to go out for the last hoorah. (The day before it had rained so I couldn't take the boat out.) I was so hot and exhausted I had to lay on my nice cool tile floor for a while. Then we ate some huge turkey sandwiches and started loading up the boat stuff.



I felt like I was forgetting something. Eva assured me that I wasn't . So we get down to the boat and right before I lowered the lift ,it hits me "crap! I forgot my credit card, we need to go get gas."


Nothing like trudging all the way back to the house on a nice full stomach. UGH!



We get out there, go get gas. My spouse had told me to just get 50 dollars worth of gas. It barely even moved the needle on the gas gauge. What a rip off!
Then I realize that I've also forgotten my camera. Gah!


The lake is so crowded with boats it is like a freeway. My anchors (crappy as they are) are already put away so I just parked us out in what I call "the big water" to just drift and then move the boat when we get to close to something/someone.After a little while we realize that the sun is scorching hot and sitting there is killing us but the water is too cold to get in and stay in. Sweet.




So we're sitting there roasting and drinking our cocktails and we get the brilliant idea to make crank phone calls.


When my sister and I were little ,we would do this often. One of our usual's was "Hi, this is Mary with the hairy Pee pee ,do you have a kotex I could borrow?"
(what can I say, we were little kids!)










Our first victim was one of my sons. Eva calls him ,on her phone and says in a real soft voice "Hi this is Mary with the hairy pee pee ,I just got off work and I'm sooo exhausted."


My son, surprisingly is a total dud. He doesn't play along at all on our hilarity.He even hangs up on her.


On to my next son.....repeat performance. We're totally cracking up and he is also a dud !This one, I eventually speak to and admit that it's us and he says"what ,are you guys drunk?"


I thought my kids were fun .WTH?


Anyhow , we finally reach a few people that she knows who play along with our juvenile hi-jinks and we had a blast being kids again.


Once we got back we still had the joyous task of putting the covers on the boat.

Done! Woo hoo!!

Imagine my horror when my cell phone rings and it is one of the cranks that we called .He is seriously worried about "Mary"
I had to try and explain to him that Mary is my crackhead daughter, I'm so sorry she bothered you. "


(he was someone we couldn't confess to that it was Eva behind it)


All's well that ends well :) Yikes.



Today is a fun filled day of carpet shampooing ,yee haw!


Have a great holiday!


luv me

Frazzle..frazzle.....

Ola y'all,


Well, I'm getting down to the wire here. I leave for Chicago in just a few days. Yikes! I have too much stuff to do. I'm a nervous wreck. My suitcase is the wrong size. I have small and humongous. I need medium. Yesterday I was going to cook the brats (which I am freezing and bringing with me) only I did not know that first ,you are supposed to boil them in beer. I did not have any beer and this lovely state dictates that I am not allowed to buy any on a Sunday. ack! So I'm a day behind schedule now. This is the first time Cavuto will ever be left all alone. We usually have all 3 cats. Aunt Floozie2 will come see him ,but he's just so needy right now. ( yes, I worry about that) My son just told me that it cost nearly $200.00 to rent a tux. I had no idea. that's outrageous!So, there's going to be over a thousand bucks worth of tuxes standing there. I hope this means everyone will be shaved and have haircuts. Can you imagine spending all that money and then looking like cavemen? (hint hint,to you kids)



Ok, let me try and stop my mind from whirling like frogs in a blender. ommmm.....ommmmm.Breathe in....breathe out.



I sure picked a lousy time to be a non smoker. ack!


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My long lost babies......over in England.

Monkey and Booger under the ironing board.











O'Reilly (Booger) helping daddy work.












Supervising :)




Oh...I miss my cats!!! And my husband too ;)





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My huge helper.










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This weekend it was hotter than hizzell . I took the boat out Saturday and the lake was packed.
That's about 8 boats all tied together (in the pic)

Floozie2 and Lake Farmer tied up with me .


It was like a holiday out there. 18 boats were in old fogey cove.






What's missing? Oh yeah my husband.


Here's a pic of my imaginary husband.

He's pretty hot ;)






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Some random crap I saw yesterday......



I saw a girl at TJ Maxx wearing one of those house arrest ankle bracelets. She was shopping with her son ,about 10 years old. I had to wonder "What crime did she commit ? "
Weird. And she was just prancing around like no one could see that thing on her leg.



Then later on at Walmart ,I saw a woman in line with a baby and a boy about 8 or 9. She was about my age. Or a hard living 30's. Obviously a hillbilly. She was wearing some skin tight short shorts and a barely there shirt. When she turned around , I see that on each of her saggy boobs (which are quite visible in that lovely outfit) is a tattoo of some handwriting. On the right one it says "Devilish " and on the left it says "Bitch"
I'm sure that her son must be so proud, the envy of the school yard. Way to carry on the trashy genes lady.


It really is a side show out there sometimes.




Time to get busy. Have a great day peeps!

luv me

Holiday weekend bleah

Hi ya'll,


How's your Holiday weekend going? I had hoped to spend mine out on the boat (finally) basting myself to a crinkly brown.Naturally ,the weather turned to crap . Yesterdays chance of rain was only 50 percent.


The boat was just un-winterized a few days ago. So I had not taken it out yet this year. The first time always makes me a nervous wreck. Like,maybe I forgot how to drive and will wreck right into the dock or something.(I'm full of self confidence like that) I was hoping that Floozie2 and her hubs would be taking their boat out so I wouldn't have to go alone. But they did not. About one o'clock I bit the bullet and made myself go face the fear.


I got out there ,it was windy , cloudy and only about 70 degrees. The water was rough as hell because of the wind. I decided to stick close to home because

A. I didn't know how charged up the battery was.

B. I have no anchor strong enough to hold the boat when the wind and water is that rough.

C.I wasn't sure if the sky was going to bust out with a huge thunderstorm at any moment.


So, I went out in the open water ,killed the motor and just drifted. (was blown)
This was also the first time I have been one the boat as a non-smoker. I must say ,cigarettes DID cross my mind a few times. :(



I digress, once I was out there the sun came out for the most part and it would have been quite enjoyable if not for the damn wind. The wind was whipping my bangs into my eyes repeatedly . pretty soon my eye was watering and would not stop watering. I searched the boat for some kind of barrette or something. No luck. Then inspiration .......I spot a blue chip clip. I used that thing to pin my bangs up on the top of my head. (I was desperate) No one's going to see me out there, right?


Wrong. About an hour later some guy pulls right up next to me on a jet ski "can you tell me how to get to the dam?"


Oh sure. After he left ,it occurred to me what a vision of loveliness I must have been with my raccoon eyes from mascara watering and my chip clip right at the front of my head.
Don't hate me because I'm beautiful. Bwa ha ha!


Turn your sound down. The wind drowns out what I was saying anyway.





Luckily it did not thunderstorm and I did not wreck the boat. A successful first day.

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The thrill of a new box!













Woo hoo!!!!











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Have a great day peeps!

Luv me

Everyone's lookin' for a blue sky

Hi Peeps,

Climb aboard and take a ride with me.

If you have a few million bucks laying around , one of those houses could be yours!

This is the drive from my house to the cove. It was hard to film and drive at the same time. So ..hope ya don't get seasick.





Happy Sunday Y'all,

luv me