Remember last week when i bitched about my sick husband "being like a corpse all weekend" ?
Well for the last 5 days it's been MY turn. Today is the first day I've been off the bed or the couch.
Being sick and trapped in the house has really made me a depressed hag ,I must say.
For instance, right this minute I can not think of ONE single good thing about being in this country.
I just had to walk my sick self to the store in the freezing rain and wind. It did NOTHING for my disposition.
Today, I really wish I was at home.
Why is it that when I get sick, my appetite is as good as ever? In fact, the only thing that makes me feel better is food going down my gullet.
My entire face has felt like it was full of razor blades.
A Cornish pasty with sour cream and a little bag of chips.....pain is gone for those brief few minutes. How about another little pain break...5 oreos should help.Or a grilled cheese sandwich, blueberry cake, salami and ritz crackers, It's been a 5 day long eating binge!
I probably gained a pound or two for each sick day. Isn't that special.
Well, Remember that my spouse was sick? Last night in the middle of the night I realized that I had caught it too. (and I didn't even do anything fun to catch it, just breathing his damn air ) bleah!
He's still sick as well AND working from home for the last 2 days. (can we say oh the Joy?)
My style is cramped and even if I wasn't sick ,it's too cold to go any where.
This bunny is cramping my style too. Note keyboard directly behind relaxed cat.
Cooking Light published this in their book, Five Star Recipes--The Best of 10 Years, and their staff voted this as one of their top five recipes from the first 10 years. It is very, very good, either for breakfast, brunch, or as dessert, warm out of the oven with a scoop of vanilla ice cream.
Last night I decided to make this cake .It looked easy and I had all the ingredients. About 10 minutes after I put it in the oven I asked hubby "What's that smell? Do you smell something burning?"
We're too sick to really smell much. But I knew I smelled something burning. I opened the oven and the entire kitchen filled with smoke. What do I see ? My blueberry cake ,black as tar . The stupid oven had been on broil. (I didn't even know it had a broiler!)
Mmmmm, black goodness. Uh, NOT!
I scraped the top off ,re-sprinkled it with the cinnamon /sugar mix and threw it back in the oven (now set on bake)
Amazingly ,it came out thinner but with no harm done.
I thought it was pretty damn yummy. My expressive husband said "It's ok"
Any Brits or expats care to tell me :Why does my oven have that fan and how do I turn the fan off?
You may have noticed that picture over on the right that says "Secret post club" If you click on it ,it will tell you all the details. The short version is :It is a bloggy gift exchange. Once a month you send a blogger any little gift ,and some random blogger sends one to you.The idea came from
She will let you know who to send a gift to and she'll notify the blogger who's sending one to you. This morning I received my first random gift. Woo hoo!
I got this Thai cookbook from Geriatric Mummy.
Thanks Geriatric Mummy! I'll be making the hottest thing in there as soon as my pepper wimp husband goes out of town. :)
http://musingsofageriatricmummy.blogspot.com/
Any bloggers can join. It looks like it's going to be a fun way to break up the winter doldrums.
Yesterday I put my chores on hold and forced myself to head off on the bus to Fareham. Good Lord, it was brutally cold out there!
I seriously hope to grow old in some place where it NEVER gets cold.
My spouse was on his way home from Germany but not due until around 8 P.M., If I’d stayed home it would have been one lonnngg day. Oh, I did clean up the cat vomit and made some lemon chicken for dinner. That was the extent of my housewifery du jour.
About an hour before my hubs got home I got a call from my youngest son. His aunt had tracked him down and told him that his “biological father” had had a heart attack. He is alive, last I heard . This would be my childhood husband, Robert.
A little back ground perhaps:
My kids had not seen him since they were around 5, 7 and 9. He owed me 150 grand in child support (still does).
When hubby and I moved to Arkansas about 5 or 6 years ago, Robert just happened to live in the same town. My kids were angry (understandably so) and when they came to see us, were saying things like “let’s go out there and tip over his shack.” “Let’s go kick his ass.” Etc….
I don’t think the younger ones can even remember ever living with him. He was totally irresponsible, worked under the table so he wouldn’t have to pay child support, and never sent the kids a card, no phone calls, nothing. He really was living in some kind of home made shack of a house.
This is how WE would have lived if I had stayed with him. *shudder*
They went out there to see him one day and of course all was forgiven. I knew they would be better people than to take revenge on him. He is more to be pitied and I knew they would realize that as soon as they saw him. On a side note, when they got home from that first visit one of my sons said “Way to pass on the good genes Mom.”
So every year when they come visit us, they spend one day out there seeing him. I am proud of the way they have handled the situation. Holding on to grudges and hatred would have done none of them any good. They have also gotten to know their aunt (Roberts’s sister) and their cousins (her kids). So it’s all good.
…………………….So, back to last night:
When my son called me and said “Robert had a heart attack.” My immediate reaction was “oh great, what does this mean for my kids future health?”
My father died at 65 of colon cancer, my mother at 65 from Alzheimer’s . So their father having a heart attack at 52 , was not taken lightly.
My son also thought of this and said “I may as well start living it up now; I’ll be dead by 60.” We are nothing around here if not sarcastic :)
I was in the middle of cooking dinner when he called and he did not have many details.
I managed to reach Roberts sister on the phone and she said “
Apparently his arm had gone numb and the heart attack actually had started about 10 the night before. He refused to go to the hospital. His boss showed up to get him in the morning and saw how bad off he was. So his girlfriend took him to the E.R..”
They apparently put a stint in and he was unconscious at that point. The sister also told me that “ if any decisions had to be made, she felt that his sons should do it, not some girl he barely knows.”
Hopefully it doesn’t come to that. Being an adult sucks .I’m sure my kids will be able to handle whatever they have to do.
That’s all I know right now. It’s a strange thing. I was married to him for 10 years .We went through a lot of crap together. We were so young and broke. I still have dreams about going back to him. (Not a good thing, lol) sometimes in my dreams the kids are little, sometimes they’re grown. The only consistent thing is Robert is never responsible, gainfully employed or well dressed. (Some things never change)
Please say a little prayer for Robert because 52 is way too young for Potters field.
I'm sure you guys are all saying “Damn, that Smocha is so spoiled, off in England on her big adventure. She makes me sick."
I know, I know...it's just not fair for me to keep all the glorious details to myself. So because I love you guys I'm going to spill it, right now, right here. The TRUTH, about being a spoiled expat housewife.
(Hang on...let me go smoke first)
Ok, here it is ...a day in the life.
Cavuto woke me up at the crack of dawn. " mow mow" paw in face. He immediately goes to my night stand and begins knocking things off, starting with my water. He has discovered that the sound of liquid hitting the floor works like a charm to get me up instantly.
Grab bra and a sweater and groggily trudge down stairs, take pills, start coffee and smoke a cigarette under the stove hood. Give Cavuto some whipped cream while finishing the coffee.
Feel groggy and disoriented because I took a Tylenol P.M. the night before, due to that NO vodka situation.(went to bed early)
When I woke up ,I was dreaming that we had this truck load of African refugee kids. They were all about 10 year old black boys, except their "spokes woman" she was a little white girl.She was trying to tell me that she was 5 . I KNEW she had to be more like 3.I asked her how come she was white and she said she was "south African"
(I have NO idea) ??? Thanks Cavuto!!!
Bring my coffee upstairs and check my email. Feel like I am in a hurry and am supposed to be going somewhere today. This goes on for a while. I finally realize I don't have to go anywhere except the grocery store. I'll be walking there so I have all day to do it.
To self" chill out you damn crack head."
Look around at house and feel overwhelmed .It is a sty. Hubby was just home for 3 and a half days. I’m behind on everything. Bleah!
Think about my kids and have trouble remembering their middle names. (I was NEVER one of those mothers who screams out the kids full name when said kid is in trouble) I could barely say the right FIRST name.
When they were in trouble, I'd be yelling "WES! I mean IAN! I mean LOGAN , whoever you are! YOU know who I mean!"
Check to see if anyone has updated their blogs while I finish my coffee. Go back down to stove hood for a cigarette. See myself in mirror, shudder in horror. Pimple head, with no makeup and monster hair. (Went to bed with wet, not even combed hair)
Realize the good part is no need to shower this morning.
Go back upstairs and retrieve pair of baggy jeans (now worn for maybe the 3rd time) throw those on, with the hot pink monkey shirt I slept in. (it's cleaning day)
Notice mountain of laundry and wince. Pile that up and check hamper, wince again when i see that it is full as well. See o'reiily walking in backwards circles and know this means he is about to vomit. Which he does ,TWICE, in different locals.
Stuff laundry into dirty jeans legs so I can carry it all downstairs. (Washer is in kitchen)
Sort laundry and start first load. Notice water is pooled on floor under fridge, again!
Turn TV on for background noise. (I can't even listen to my cleaning music unless I wear a cd walkman and headphones)
Inspect freezer and realize water has frozen under bottom drawer due to sloppy ice tray filling. Remove drawer and decide to melt ice. Afraid to turn off freezer because I'd never figure out how to turn it back on. Then I see switch on wall that says FREEZER/FRIDGE .Turn it off.
Wind up cleaning out entire fridge and freezer, including removing, deicing and washing all drawers and shelves and sorting and organizing food.
Glance at oven and remember that peach cobbler has been burned in there since Thanksgiving. Spot oven cleaner I had finally bought a few days ago. Spray it in there despite SAFETY WARNING : Turn off electricity to oven. Put out pilot light before using.
"Bite my ass, safety freaks! "
Scrub lime scale off of sink and built in drain board .(This builds up about every 3 days)
Notice that trash is about to overflow. Take trash out of can, replace bag . Stick full bag by front door for later. Now that I have room in the trash, I remember that the bag less vacuum cleaner is so full it doesn't pick up jack.
Drag vacuum out of (only) closet and empty it. Dust goes all over trash can and wall to wall carpeting in bathroom.
"cuss to self"
Shake hands with Cavuto who is sitting by kitchen faucet ,waiting for it to magically turn on and give him water. Smoke while Cavuto drinks out of sink. Notice his dirty starfish and wonder if his anal glands need to be expressed. I already asked my spouse a while back “Do you know how to express a cats anal glands?"
(Met with a resounding “NO!!!!!!!and I'm not gonna learn !!!!!!!")
Hear washer finish. Remove, shake out and sort wet laundry. It must be kind of folded so it's ready to hang on the old lady drying rack, and sorted because some of the socks go in the dining room . Hang the socks, and then trudge back upstairs to hang the rest in the bedroom. (What? you don't do that?)
On way thru living room hear some skank on Maury having 5 daddies tested. She swears EACH one of them is her baby daddy.
"Damn, there's some ho's out there!"
Back when I was single ,I could be like 10 pounds overweight and men acted like I had leprosy.I guess if I was 200 pounds over ,I'd a been a hottie. Live and learn.
Come back downstairs, make second pot of coffee. Shake hands with cavuto. Begin vacuuming the downstairs. Suck up phone cord in vacuum. (The house phone sits on the floor in the hallway because guess where they put the phone plug? that's right ..in the effin bathroom. But No electric outlets allowed in there! That would be out in the hall)
Cuss out loud to self and/or cats.
Turn off vacuum and unravel cord. Reassemble phone.
Resume vacuuming.
Decide I don't have the energy to vacuum the upstairs yet and put vacuum away.
Shake, sort and fold next load of wet laundry. Trudge upstairs and hang it on old lady drying rack.
Come downstairs and start 3rd load of laundry. Make list for grocery store. Notice that the sun is actually shining. Put hand on window to see if I can tell how hellish my walk to the store is going to be.
OMG! Window is warm. Get key, unlock front door and take trash out in my short sleeves.
Realize window was warm from the entire hot water running to deice freezer drawers.
Insert more cuss words.
Use key to lock door. (That’s right, we are locked IN here without a key) Drink more coffee, smoke, shake hands with Cavuto while waiting for laundry to finish. Wipe scum out of O'reilly's eyes .(he has clogged tear ducts)Looks like dirty poodle eyes.
Why be normal?
Sit on couch for a minute, see that King of Queens is on. Think how lovely it would be to just sit and watch TV. , force myself to get back up immediately!
Shake, sort and fold last load of wet laundry. Haul it upstairs and hang it on old lady drying rack.
Yell at O'Reilly to quit trying to bury his puke in the carpet. (If I let it dry a little, it doesn't make a big mess when I clean it up)
Ran out of cigarettes a couple hours ago. Ran out of T.P. yesterday. I can live without food and vodka, but not cigs or toilet paper. The time has come. I must FORCE myself to walk to the store.
Insert cuss words.
Get rolling back pack, scarf and gloves. Then remember that I have not one stitch of makeup on. Look in mirror; see my 2 enormo pimples sitting there like 2 extra heads. Consider going back upstairs to put makeup on.
Tell self out loud " Who the hell cares! No one knows you. You don't know them. You're just some zitty ole bag lady as far as they know."
I throw on what I call my "quarantine coat" It's hideous, greenish corduroy, 2 sizes to big ,but it's the warmest one I have. Then, my hat. Whoo! If I don't look like a bag lady now, I don't know what does.
I get out there and start walking. Man, if the effin wind wasn't blowing it might be ok. But NOOOOO ... that wind has to always be blowing.
Insert cuss words.
I walk the entire way to the store feeling just like I have a bloody nose. No way to know. If someone saw me (some zitty bag woman) with a bloody nose ,they probably wouldn't even tell me!
No way to know if it's frozen snots or a bloody nose. Frankly, by the time I get out of the wind, I don't even care any more.
Once in the warmth of the store, I put my backpack in my cart and mosey down every aisle. (This is the entertainment of the day) I come in there with a list.
We get "club points” for spending a fortune at their store and also for using our own bags.
Every month they send you vouchers for dollar value, for this. Today was the first time I ever used any of these vouchers. My list was : diet coke, vodka, potatoes, celery, sweet and low pills, toilet paper,
I threw in a toothbrush, a single stack of Oreos and a 47 pence Cornish pie. (I realized I hadn't eaten all day) Oh ...AND I searched their minisule sewing section and found some velcro for the curtains.
The total was 30 sum'thin' pounds, after they swiped my vouchers, all I had to pay was about 6 pounds. Sa weeet!
My joy was short lived. I still had the windy joy of dragging my bag and my running nose back home. The colder it is, the faster you try to walk. It's never fast enough.
Insert more cuss words.
I'm too exhausted to go on writing........
To be continued.
Stay tuned for such highlights as velcoing the curtains, cleaning up the cat vomit, scrubbing the toliets......
My husband is sick and was overloaded with work that had to be done by today. It was like living with a corpse all weekend.
The poor thing is on his way to Germany right now. I hope he doesn't faint any where.
I just got all ready to walk to the store and as soon as I stepped out the front door and was hit by the artic blast ,I had to step right back inside.
Remove hat,gloves,scarf,and coat and say outloud to myself "No damn way am I going to the store!"
Happy hour is ruined for this evening.
*************************************************************** COMMENTS TO COMMENTS :
Jamie said...
This list tells me you are really, really smart. Seriously, how many of these have you read? It also tells me that your eyes can still read small print, and I am waaay jealous. Happy Sunday.... and big hugs. :)
I am not really smart. I have probably read half of them. My eyes can NOT see small print. Hello…old lady reading glasses .:)
Golden To Silver Val said...
omg, what a list! It looks like you have a keen interest in women's work in the armed forces, possibly in the medical field... I am familiar with only a very few of these books on your list and have read 3. You're awesome.
I actually have an interest in history. Being here in England has me reading British history, mostly about world war 2 and victorians .Back at home I have read about Vietnam, WW2, slaves, pioneers, wagon trains…etc.
Mary said...
It tells me you are interested in military history - especially women's role. It tells me you you are a serious reader. It tells me that you can hold an intelligent conversation. It tells me that you are lots smarter than me.
Ha ! again Not that smart. The problem is I read the stuff and then forget it all by the next day .:)
BREZZ said...
it tells me that you have a lot of time on your hands-- or you read very very fast. and if i recall - you do. and like jamie-- i am jealous too-- i just now delved back into eva's book-- how's the publishing goin on that? has it been 'edited/formatted' yet--?
latah
oh ps-- my hubby should have arrived at your chillens house within the last hour or so. phew. hope they have fun :))
luv me
Well, I actually don’t have all that much free time. It takes longer to do everything here.I do read very fast.Eva’s book is not yet formatted for publishing. Want to do it? LOLI hope they have fun tew!
Anonymous said...
What did Eva write? Do they have any books by Ann Rule ? Highly reccommend them. true murders... Also look for dvd's "Rosemary and Thyme". There's a total of 9, our library has 6. 2 english sluths. Very cute and good. 2 or 3 per dvd. aj I don't know if they ship to england but I recently found www.bestbargainbook.com. I spent 62 bucks for about 30 books including shipping. Most books are from .01 to a nickel.1120am at 35 degrees. Too cold for my blood!
Eva wrote a book about her life. It is GOOD! You have to pay for the dvd’s at the library here, so I never get any.Most of the books are older than back home too.
Nocturnal Queen said...
Wow, that's a lot of books.
My husband constantly watches boring news/finance shows. I usually have a book in hand every evening while watching t.v. :)
When ever they catch a killer or a bomber I always wonder " Do they check the library records of these people?" It seems to me that a lot of information could be gleaned from the choice of books they checked out.
For the first time ever I finally have a library which let me view my OWN record of past books.
I haven't read them all . I usually give a book about 30 pages ,if I don't like it by then I am not reading it. These are all the books I have checked out during my time in England.
If you're really bored .......see if this list tells you anything about me. I'll let you know if it's true or not.
