I'm internetly challenged.......

er....speechless.

Is that a 12 pound mouse in your pocket?

This is how a crazy cat lady starts....by being a crazy cat girl.


We had 2 of these Siamese cats when I was about 5 or 6 years old. Charlie Wong and Suzi Wong.


One time I woke up at the crack of dawn and Suzi was having kittens right there in my bed. (cat midwife from WAYYY back)


We had these cats around the time that my parents split up. At the time we lived in puerto Rico.

My mom and us kids flew from there to Arkansas. We brought the cats of course. Did my mom buy the cats a plane ticket?


Heck no, that would be too normal.


What do you imagine she did? Go on guess for a minute.......I'll wait.




Ok, what she did was drug the cats with some phenobarbital and put them in a bag like this.


She cut a few air holes near the bottom of the bag.

And then she gave the bag of drugged cats to yours truly..


Even at 5, I must have been socially phobic because I did not want people looking at me. Well, there I am hauling around my bag of dead weight cats ,everyone is looking at me, staring and laughing.

I finally look down and see that the cats tails are hanging out of the air holes. Everyone knows I am smuggling cats.

(like it was the idea of a 5 year old)

If I had gotten caught, my mom probably would have said "I never saw that kid in my life!"

5 year old cat smuggler arrested at airport......film at 11.


Leaving your kid holding the bag......not cool people. Not cool.

*********************************************************************************

My man gets home tomorrow! WOO HOO!!! I have not seen him since frekin' January.


Speaking of which.....we have still not totally paid off the expense of the "quarantine fiasco" and now we get to add more to it, like Cavutos $750.00 plane ticket.It makes me SICK!!!
Too bad there's no one I can sue.Gah!

Hey, how come they don't have round trip tickets for cats? That's crap.


Self, don't even go there.


So, anyhow.....I have been busy cleaning and getting the house in order. I always like to start out fresh so he(hubby) can mess it all up from scratch.

(love you Honey :))


Back to work.

Have a great hump day Peeps!

Saturday in pictures......

Ode to my oldest.....

29 years ago today, was one of the scariest ,most painful days of my young life.


It was also the first day I ever really knew what love was.


It was the day I gave birth to my first son,Wes.
A squalling little thing ,covered in white fuzz.












My parenting skills were absolutely zero,zilch,nada. I knew nuthin' 'bout birthin' no babies. Much less how to raise one.







(Aunt Soul and Wes)




When he cried ,I cried too because I didn't know what else to do.




He was the smartest,funniest ,cutest baby ever born.












We literally had to grow up together. He was my experimental baby . Everything I did was probably wrong.


He refused to sleep. I had to pin him down in the crack of the couch at nap time and he would scream himself to sleep ,in a boiling stubborn rage.










At bed time he made me sing, tell stories and hold his eyes shut for him. Sometimes for hours!























He could throw a tantrum like nobodies business .















It soon became apparent that he was kind of a little genius. Also the only lefty in our family.














This was right before he started wailing and punched Santa right in the face.

Wes had a big thing about beauty. If his babysitters were not pretty ,he would be awful to them.

He once spit on a nun when he was 3 , because "she looked like a man."












He was a great big brother. He waited until the babies could sit up on their own before he started beating them up.














By age 3 ,he was quite the talented artist as well. His preferred medium was permanent black markers.He would draw these drawings on the wall ,sign his name and then try to say the baby did it.















Once when he was in kindergarten the bus dropped him off before I got home .

I found him at a neighbors ,eating Oreos. She said he was running down the hill ,crying and screaming "No mommy! No!"


















He had a photographic memory and knew every word on his records at 3 years old.Like the "101 Dalmatians" and "the aristocats".














Wes continued to dazzle everyone with his brilliance.
He taught me to play chess when he was 6 years old.



When he started school his teachers LOVED him. His kindergarten teacher said "why can't they all be just like him."

Look at that angelic face. Smart and stubborn doesn't always equal angelic.
:)








He once locked his brothers out on the roof of the house while I was at work. His excuse....."I was trying to teach them not to go out there."



When we first got a computer I got an $800.00 phone bill because he had spent hours and hours downloading songs by Curt Cobain.







He had the teenage angst like all teenagers do ,but he never took it out on his mom.He was always sweet to his momma.




He used to make me coffee every morning and bring it to me ,just so he could spend time talking to me before he left for school.












Letting him grow up and leave me was one of the hardest things I've ever done.



He once got robbed at gunpoint during his first years on his own .He did not even tell me about it until much later because he knew I would totally flip out.










In spite of his teenage mother ,he has grown up to be an awesome man.

He's disciplined,(don't know where he got that from) has his own business, great credit,and he's still sweet,smart, funny and cute.



It's always been a joy to be your mom .


Happy Birthday my adorable son! Love Mom



Fuel Multimedia

Dish soap and Bette Davis eyes............

Hi ya'll ,

When I was waiting for my coffee to brew this morning I had a memory come flooding back to me. When I was a little kid everyone drank their coffee out of those shiny cups (which I now know were called fire king) but the odd thing was they never washed them. They may have rinsed them ,but they all had deep dark stains in them. Anyone remember that?For the life of me, I can not imagine why they would not have washed them.They washed all the other dishes.Anybody know the answer to this old mystery?






It's really rather disgusting. And so was the canned PET milk they used for creamer. Or how 'bout some yummy old powdered milk? Bleah! Just the thought makes me cringe. My mother used to always try and give us that nasty sh*t.


*******************************************************************************


It's started already. My nerves are shot. I am terrified that something will go wrong again when I return to England.



Which was supposed to be Aug. 17th.
Well, naturally ,when we got my ticket back in January......we didn't think to check what day of the week that was. Turns out it is a Monday. Meaning there are no Vets open on the Sunday before to do Cavuto's (unneeded) tick and tapeworm treatment,which Englnad requires.







After much calling around and begging, and offering to bribe someone to come in on a Sunday we finally gave up and had to change my damn
ticket. (Now I will be waiting 8 days longer to have my nervous breakdown.)



Oh and that will only cost us $300 smackers.




.....Insert stream of cuss words here......


*******************************************************************************


The other night I did a photo shoot for my friend Eva. For the cover of the book she is writing. It's her memoir about her dysfunctional life. It's turning out to be quite a hilarious book.






Anyhow, the idea was to be like a dark haired Marilyn Monroe kind of vibe ,in the "Seven year itch " picture.




First of all ,I had no idea what women had to go through to get all glammed up like that.












We had to do makeup like you wouldn't believe. False eyelashes ..the whole bit. And the hairdo's . Thank God we don't all have to go through THAT every day.


We had a good time taking tons of pictures ,while happy houring.


I kept seeing Bette Davis.






(an extremely rough draft of a picture)

Naturally, my photo program is screwing up when I need it. So, I can't show you any of the actual pictures . Gah!

*******************************************************************************

My latest thrift store find.

This copper(?) planter for 8 bucks.


Cavuto was thrilled with it. It was no easy task for him to cram his huge self in there either :)



We should all be so easily entertained.







Happy humpday peeps!

Luv me

Snippets of Saturday

Large and in charge....and in the way.
















Caught mid nail chew.















"Hey! wait for me!"

No really, get OUT of my pool.....

Crikey! I just climbed out from under my rock and realised I have not updated this since the Clintons were in the Whitehouse... You would not believe how hard it is being waited on hand and foot and generally lounging around. I prostrate myself in sorrow and beg thy forgiveness..


I am absolutely consumed with my tan, being distracted by the shiny, just generally being a terrible burden to anyone unfortunate to cross my path, my day is full to overflowing from the light through yonder window breaks til I run out of alcohol. I am convinced that I absolutely deserve this after all my hard work. I wish you could be here to share it.


I will try to remember I promised you I will make more of an effort to blog more often until the nice men in the white coats come back. Seriously! This is for my ever faithful, devoted public..


Ha ha . No I have not really flipped my lid. This post was made by the "Lazy bloggers post generator"

*****************************************************************************************************************************

I've been trying to write a post for days with out much success. There's absolutely nothing going on around here.


I know , how 'bout I bitch about some stuff that's making me mad ?



First up.....every time I want to get in my pool it looks like THIS!

I hate you people ! Get out of my damn pool! This is not a hotel. You don't live here. GET OUT!!










Nearly a dollar a roll for toilet paper???

WTH? Is there some paper shortage I am unaware of?








The disgusting pigs that snuck in through our gates and had "" in our hot tub.

Who raised you people?

My friend Floozie 2 is the pool police. She actually stormed out there to confront these assholes and they did NOT even stop screwing!

Then had the gall to ask HER "why you disrespecting us?"


YOU trespassed and were bumpin' uglies where YOU don't belong and SHE'S disrespecting YOU? Go back to whatever ghetto you crawled out of!






Fat. WHY do you stalk me?

Why do I starve and you continue to stick to me like glue?

I HATE you!!














Yes, they do . It's the news coverage that never dies.


ENOUGH already!















It's roasting.


Does this mean August is going to be 150 degrees?








What's making YOU mad? Let's hear it?

*******************************************************************************

Last but not least .......a little stroll down memory lane.

(I was seeing how my photo program was at restoring old pictures. Not bad. The color is much improved.)









A 15 year old Smocha. Yes, I thought I was obese.


Is that disgusted exasperation on Dad's face? LOL














Zen kids.
















Easter dorks.

Smocha and Soul, about 6 and 2.


















Black eye Soul and nerd Smocha. About 7 and 11 ,maybe.
















We was Po' and ALWAYS had lousy butchered haircuts.

I remember that Crissy doll.






Have a great Friday peeps!

Luv me

Patriotic Cavuto

says
"update your blogs people!"



















"You've forced my mom to do this stupid meme"

Three things

A bunch of questions in groups of three.

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE ME:
01 | murderers
02 | bugs
03 | snakes

THREE PEOPLE WHO MAKE ME LAUGH:
01 | Wes
02 | Ian
03 | Logan

THREE THINGS I LOVE:
01 | cats
02 | taking pictures
03 | reading

THREE THINGS I HATE:
01 | kids misbehaving in public
02 | cruelty
03 | mayonaise

THREE THINGS I DON'T UNDERSTAND:
01 | the stock market
02 | international politics
03 | men

THREE THINGS ON MY DESK:
01 | camera
02 | speakers
03 | phones

THREE THINGS I'M DOING RIGHT NOW:
01 | this meme
02 | listening to MASH on t.v.
03 | freezing

THREE THINGS I WANTTO DO BEFORE I DIE:
01 | grow old with my husband
02 | see my grandkids grow up
03 | get a second home in Chicago

THREE THINGS I CAN DO:
01 | dock the boat
02 | cater a dinner party
03 | paint a house

THREE WAYS TO DESCRIBE MY PERSONALITY:
01 | shy
02 | extroverted(if you know me well)
03 | wacky

THREE THINGS I CAN'T DO:
01 | sew
02 | type
03 | wakeboard

THREE THINGS ITHINK YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO:
01 | Nickelback
02 | Hanson
03 | my advice (bwa ha ha ) I kid.

THREE THINGS I DON'T THINK YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO EVER:
01 | kids misbehaving in public
02 | mean people
03 | fortune tellers

THREE OF MY ABSOLUTE FAVORITE FOODS:
01 | curry
02 | mexican food
03 | lightly breaded cod and baby brussel sprouts

THREE THINGS I'D LIKE TO LEARN:
01 | spanish
02 | belly dancing
03 | to love working out

THREE BEVERAGES I DRINK REGULARLY:
01 | diet coke
02 | coffee
03 | diet coke and vodka

THREE SHOWS I WATCHED WHEN I WAS A KID:
01 | speed racer
02 | star trek
03 | batman

Consider yourselves tagged :)

4th of July ,here in Paradise

Happy belated 4th of July Peeps!

Hope you all had a wonderful day here in the land of the free and the brave.

I did. I took the boat out early ,around 10 A.M.

The lake was not too busy yet so the choice spots were still ready for the pickin'.

Floozie 2,LakeFarmer and Floozie2's brother ,Fordman and his wife Princess all came out on their boat and tied up with me.

Pretty soon, it became obvious that even with 3 anchors down, the wind would not allow us to keep from drifting right into everyone else's boats.

After moving several times we decided to leave Old Fogey cove and try for calmer waters over in Skinny dip cove.





That cove was so packed I don't think 2 more boats could have even fit in there.








We wound up going to a very small unknown cove and quickly began drifting right into some peoples dock. The people (who happened to be lying on their dock) were none too happy with us. We could tell by the evil death glances they were shooting in our direction.

Our boats were already tied together when Lakefarmer tried a desperate measure.....pulling straight toward the shore and tying up to trees.
I pictured the front of our boat crashing right into the tree or the shore. (they have no brakes on them boats! :)

So I got on the front and tried to lasso the tree in time to slow the boat down. Well...naturally I fall right off the front of the boat ,into the water right onto slimy rocks. The water was about 10 inches deep and then immediately dropped off to deep water .Lovely. After scraping my leg to shreds on slimy rocks, I was able to get the rope around my tree and tie it up though a bunch of weeds ,which I was hoping was not poison ivy.(so far so good)

Well, lucky for us the plan worked like a charm. We were able to stay put for the rest of the day.

Having to pull up anchors ,ropes, rafts and coolers to move every 5 minutes can really suck the fun out of boating.

We had a lovely rest of the afternoon roasting ourselves to a sunburned crisp.Ok, and maybe a little drinking :)

I asked ,invited.....BEGGED Floozie 2 "If you guys go out to dinner will you PLEASE take me?"

They did go and they did take me.
We went to the Barb-Q place where Floozie2's daughter Conehead works. Man was it yummy. The prefect 4th of July, meal with none of the work.














Trust me, fireing up the grill and bar-b-q-ing for ONE is not fun

.Calories don't count on holidays, right?

After dinner we took a drive up to West mountain and saw the view of our town from way up in the sky. It was pretty cool until we saw a possible drug deal goin' down and cut our visit short. We skeedaddled out of there. Thanks for letting me tag along y'all!

The fireworks were supposed to be done out on the lake tonight ,not last night. From the sound of it ,I won't be surprised if it was actually last night and I missed them.I had also missed my nap. So by 9 p.m. I could no longer keep my eyes open. I went to bed to the extremely loud sounds of fireworks. They could have been right in my own yard and I would have been too tired to go outside and watch them.

*******************************************************************************

Figaro D. Stringpoo

2009-2009

It is with great shock and sorrow that I must tell you Figaro was found DIB (dead in bowl) this morning.

I managed to keep him alive longer than any fish (or plant ) in my lifetime.

Cavuto and I loved you as much as anyone could love a 28 cent fish.Good bye Figaro. We will miss you our shiny little friend.

Crazy ,even without the cat....

Hi ya Peeps!







This is a picture of an actual drawer in my kitchen.Do you know what is in it?


That is 5 years worth of Chinese mustard and soy sauce and a few fortune cookies from the Chinese delivery.


I cleaned it out today and man, was it hard to throw that stuff away.




Any sane person is probably asking "why in the hell would you save it in the first place? and why was it hard to get rid of it?"

Believe me, I asked myself those questions too.







Did I think we were going to have a famine and we'd have nothing to eat but soy sauce and hot mustard? Or maybe if we became poor that stuff could really spice up some spam and top ramen?






(not our actual trailer)











I finally had to face the fact that because we grew up po' , somewhere in the back of my mind ,I was actually afraid there would come a day when I would need some soy sauce or hot mustard and not be able to get it.










(IS actually us. Soul and me.
She's the cute blonde baby.
I'm the homely brunette)





Then I had to FORCE myself to throw that shit away! And face the fact that I am a pack- rat. There.....I said it! At least I understand it now. Next project ...my 100 pair shoe collection.




Now watch, tomorrow there will probably be a shortage of soy sauce and hot mustard.


ARE YOU A PACK RAT?

http://www.hgtv.ca/entertaining/quizzes/quiz.aspx?quizid=111

Go take the quiz, I'll wait.


Here's MY results. They got me dead right :)

Sentimental Storer

You're not just packing things in preparation of hibernation - you are downright scared of throwing things out. You keep anything and everything. Whether you cling to them for sentimental reasons, or for the fear of not having something when you need it - you need to let go. Go through old papers, clothes and magazines. Ask yourself - when was the last time you used this item? If it's been over a year - toss it. If you are just too attached to the item keep it in a labeled or itemized box, so you can easily find it. Have a garage sale. Consider purchasing filing cabinets and storage items to help keep clutter to a minimum. Freeing yourself of the mess will lighten your life too. You'll have more space and less stress.

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Ok, ok, ok ......I confess!

I saved a few hot mustards...just in case.



Yes, I know I need drawer liner. It's been on my list for 5 years now.



Luv me